On this Thanksgiving morning, let me list some of the reasons that I am thankful for being (un)dead:
1) I get to spend time with family again.
2) Being able to walk the Shadowland...a wondrously beautiful and dangerous place!
3) Appearances no longer matter--I'm dead, who cares how I look?
4) Low expecatations of others--hey, he's dead, we can't expect him to remember our birthdays or anniversaries.
5) The Rat Race has a completely new meaning--just stay ahead of the little buggers so they don't nibble off my ears!
6) Being able to stay up all night to watch the late games on the West Coast...and SportsCenter all night long!
7) Long, deep conversations with the Professor! (Go Tigers!)
8) Discovering a long lost Sister-in-Spirit in Ravyn and discovering her many wonderful qualities. (As well as Betsy!)
9) Seeing the Frau streaking through the woods as changes into Bear form. (Even if she did have to sit on me!)
10) Seeing from Cerrydwen that embracing the Shadow Within doesn't mean that you fall to Evil, that we each make the choice to Do Evil or to help others.
Here are some reasons to be less thankful for being (un)dead:
1) Coke and Mentos doesn't make much of a Thanksgiving feast!
2) Being unable to truly feel the touch of another person.
3) Knowing that in any given situation, I am pretty much the ugliest person in the room (or on the street, etc).
4) To finally discover what it is to be fully human, to be fully alive, after you are already dead.
5) To see a beautiful, nekkid, hindside of a ravishingly beautiful woman, and be completely unable to do anything about it!
Happy Thanksgiving to One and All!
Showing posts with label Flush and Gush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flush and Gush. Show all posts
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Monday, February 14, 2005
Looking to the Light
I have a great deal of news to report, which I will go about doing over the next few days, but first, I need to give Greg his own final posting.
It was easier than I thought it would be, to teach Greg how to free himself from the spiritual prisons that we helped to build for ourselves. That's what El Diablito was doing with us on those occasions that we went to his little warehouse shop in Hialeah well after his normal closing hours.
It was a long, grueling and nasty process. There seemed to be an endless array of rituals, body fluids and other foul smelling ingredients brewing in the back room of that shop. I can recall at least three different occasions that I would be sitting there waiting for that little troll to finish some ritual or another and then feel a sharp prick on my back, or my arm. He would use these burned, nasty looking needles to prick us. His smile was wicked as he stared at the red drops of blood dribbling down the needle, as he pranced away to his crowded altars to finish the spell that would create the prison that is now my Chakra.
It was the same for all six of us really, we compared notes on a number of occasions afterwards, but we all went through the process alone. Oh, Drake was usually there as well since he brought each us down to see El Diablito personally, but he always drifted away once the rituals started. Even that cold fish seemed uncomfortable around El Diablito when he really got going in his full regalia.
I thought I was going to have to do something physical in order to free Greg from his Chakra-to-be, and I thought I was going to be doing it on Friday once I read the statement from the detective who had arrested the primary suspect in Greg's killing. Instead, Friday morning while I was in the meditative state that I slip into when I am 'flushing and gushing', I felt John Red Bear approach me from the Underworld. I concentrated and slipped out of my body and darted through the drain in my shower to emerge in our normal meeting place, a shadowy clearing in a darkly overgrown pine forest. He was in his usual form, that of a scarred black bear with a big splotch of red fur that resembled a man's head on his chest. I was in my own form, enjoying the feeling of touching, smelling, breathing once again.
"Brother Bones," he said, "you must meet me in real life, near the city in Ohio named for the Deathbringer, Colombus. There is a museum for the iron steeds you call motorcycles. Meet me there at dawn tomorrow."
"Why?" I asked. "I think Greg needs me now. I don't know how soon the Chakra will be sealed away from easy access."
He stood up on his rear legs, towering over me until he placed his front paws on my shoulders and brought his grizzled muzzle down to look me in the eyes. He snickered, as much as a bear can snicker anyway, and said "Do not worry, the prisons that hold you and your friend can be broken only from the inside. I will show you how tomorrow."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"I am. There is much to discuss, I have other important information for you as well. It is imperative that you meet me, our time will be short. Make sure you donothing out of the ordinary today. Go to work as you would normally, assist your keepers in any way they need you to, but leave tonight. Drive there, do not allow yourself to be followed."
Our conversation went on, but too keep it short and on point, I returned to my body and finished what business I needed to that day, and followed the instructions I was given, both by the Lab Geeks who still needed my help on a daily basis moving Greg's increasingly heavy body around to the different machines they used, and later those given to me by John Red Bear.
I met with him as planned the next morning. I got in his car in the parking lot and we went for a long, twisting drive through the suburbs of Colombus until we came to a large, open park that was pretty much abandoned on a cold Saturday morning in February.
We got out and crunched through the frozen, wet grass. While we walked, he talked for what seemed like hours. Many of the things he told me will be revealed in later posts and in the book that I am working on, but what's important here now is that he taught me how Greg and I could free ourselves from the Chakra devices that El Diablito had constructed. It was both incredibly hard, but maddeningly simple.
Essentially, what kept us trapped within the Chakras was a deep seated fear of that final death, that final passing into the unknown darkness that Drake and his henchmen had been subtly pushing on us since we first joined the program. John taught me that the cord that kept our spirits tied to this device was both as easy to snap as thin fishing line, or as tough as the strongest metal linked chain. We 'merely' had to unravel the chains of our own fears of moving forward into the unknown worlds beyond this one and seek out the Light that lit the way. Uh yeah...just that damn easy.
The reasons for the clandestine nature of our meeting will be revealed later, but I will let you know that there is far, far more to John than he had previously let on, and that I was enlisted fully by him to help in some ways that will soon become clearer.
In the end, I was finally convinced that the solution he had, for Greg anyway, was viable and I agreed to see if Greg would try it.
Early this morning, I went to the office before any of the regulars would be in, and found Greg where I had left him. I told him of the plan and showed him what I could of the techniques that John had taught me. He was eager to try it. He took to the exercises easily. He retreated briefly back into the Chakra, re-emerging moments later, brighter, fuller. He seemed to be smiling as he I watched him work. Soon, I could almost see the cord connecting his spirit to the Chakra grow fainter, weaker. There was one brief flicker, as doubt seemed to creep in, but that faded just as a shimmering tunnel seemed grow from the ceiling. The Light illuminated us both. His spirit seemed to grow in strength as he floated up to it. He looked down at me briefly, a look of pure joy and exhiliration as he cried out-"Mom!"
I can't tell you how much I wanted to follow him at that moment! But as the Light faded, I slipped back into my own body and glanced to my right to see Drake standing there in the doorway to the lab. His expression was that same, bloodless smile that he always had, but I could tell he knew something had happened.
Without a word, he turned and left, the door slamming behind him with a loud bang. Inside I felt a joy that was but a shadow of the joy that Greg felt. "Take that, you bastard." I mumbled.
I looked down at Greg's now truly lifeless body and knew that I had done good. He was at peace at last.
I, however, have a shitload more work to do before I can find such peace.
It was easier than I thought it would be, to teach Greg how to free himself from the spiritual prisons that we helped to build for ourselves. That's what El Diablito was doing with us on those occasions that we went to his little warehouse shop in Hialeah well after his normal closing hours.
It was a long, grueling and nasty process. There seemed to be an endless array of rituals, body fluids and other foul smelling ingredients brewing in the back room of that shop. I can recall at least three different occasions that I would be sitting there waiting for that little troll to finish some ritual or another and then feel a sharp prick on my back, or my arm. He would use these burned, nasty looking needles to prick us. His smile was wicked as he stared at the red drops of blood dribbling down the needle, as he pranced away to his crowded altars to finish the spell that would create the prison that is now my Chakra.
It was the same for all six of us really, we compared notes on a number of occasions afterwards, but we all went through the process alone. Oh, Drake was usually there as well since he brought each us down to see El Diablito personally, but he always drifted away once the rituals started. Even that cold fish seemed uncomfortable around El Diablito when he really got going in his full regalia.
I thought I was going to have to do something physical in order to free Greg from his Chakra-to-be, and I thought I was going to be doing it on Friday once I read the statement from the detective who had arrested the primary suspect in Greg's killing. Instead, Friday morning while I was in the meditative state that I slip into when I am 'flushing and gushing', I felt John Red Bear approach me from the Underworld. I concentrated and slipped out of my body and darted through the drain in my shower to emerge in our normal meeting place, a shadowy clearing in a darkly overgrown pine forest. He was in his usual form, that of a scarred black bear with a big splotch of red fur that resembled a man's head on his chest. I was in my own form, enjoying the feeling of touching, smelling, breathing once again.
"Brother Bones," he said, "you must meet me in real life, near the city in Ohio named for the Deathbringer, Colombus. There is a museum for the iron steeds you call motorcycles. Meet me there at dawn tomorrow."
"Why?" I asked. "I think Greg needs me now. I don't know how soon the Chakra will be sealed away from easy access."
He stood up on his rear legs, towering over me until he placed his front paws on my shoulders and brought his grizzled muzzle down to look me in the eyes. He snickered, as much as a bear can snicker anyway, and said "Do not worry, the prisons that hold you and your friend can be broken only from the inside. I will show you how tomorrow."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"I am. There is much to discuss, I have other important information for you as well. It is imperative that you meet me, our time will be short. Make sure you donothing out of the ordinary today. Go to work as you would normally, assist your keepers in any way they need you to, but leave tonight. Drive there, do not allow yourself to be followed."
Our conversation went on, but too keep it short and on point, I returned to my body and finished what business I needed to that day, and followed the instructions I was given, both by the Lab Geeks who still needed my help on a daily basis moving Greg's increasingly heavy body around to the different machines they used, and later those given to me by John Red Bear.
I met with him as planned the next morning. I got in his car in the parking lot and we went for a long, twisting drive through the suburbs of Colombus until we came to a large, open park that was pretty much abandoned on a cold Saturday morning in February.
We got out and crunched through the frozen, wet grass. While we walked, he talked for what seemed like hours. Many of the things he told me will be revealed in later posts and in the book that I am working on, but what's important here now is that he taught me how Greg and I could free ourselves from the Chakra devices that El Diablito had constructed. It was both incredibly hard, but maddeningly simple.
Essentially, what kept us trapped within the Chakras was a deep seated fear of that final death, that final passing into the unknown darkness that Drake and his henchmen had been subtly pushing on us since we first joined the program. John taught me that the cord that kept our spirits tied to this device was both as easy to snap as thin fishing line, or as tough as the strongest metal linked chain. We 'merely' had to unravel the chains of our own fears of moving forward into the unknown worlds beyond this one and seek out the Light that lit the way. Uh yeah...just that damn easy.
The reasons for the clandestine nature of our meeting will be revealed later, but I will let you know that there is far, far more to John than he had previously let on, and that I was enlisted fully by him to help in some ways that will soon become clearer.
In the end, I was finally convinced that the solution he had, for Greg anyway, was viable and I agreed to see if Greg would try it.
Early this morning, I went to the office before any of the regulars would be in, and found Greg where I had left him. I told him of the plan and showed him what I could of the techniques that John had taught me. He was eager to try it. He took to the exercises easily. He retreated briefly back into the Chakra, re-emerging moments later, brighter, fuller. He seemed to be smiling as he I watched him work. Soon, I could almost see the cord connecting his spirit to the Chakra grow fainter, weaker. There was one brief flicker, as doubt seemed to creep in, but that faded just as a shimmering tunnel seemed grow from the ceiling. The Light illuminated us both. His spirit seemed to grow in strength as he floated up to it. He looked down at me briefly, a look of pure joy and exhiliration as he cried out-"Mom!"
I can't tell you how much I wanted to follow him at that moment! But as the Light faded, I slipped back into my own body and glanced to my right to see Drake standing there in the doorway to the lab. His expression was that same, bloodless smile that he always had, but I could tell he knew something had happened.
Without a word, he turned and left, the door slamming behind him with a loud bang. Inside I felt a joy that was but a shadow of the joy that Greg felt. "Take that, you bastard." I mumbled.
I looked down at Greg's now truly lifeless body and knew that I had done good. He was at peace at last.
I, however, have a shitload more work to do before I can find such peace.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Confronting Drake
I have just returned home from a 24 hour plus workday. Doesn’t feel nearly as tiring as it would have been before...but this is not new to most of you. I have just finished ‘flushing and gushing’ a new supply of calories...Dr. Pepper tonight.
The meeting took place as planned, Thursday afternoon. I reported to the conference room where Drake likes to hold his meetings.
As I entered the building and made my way back to the conference room, I noticed that people were on edge. Betty barely wanted to glance my way, just buzzing me back through without so much as a hello. In the hallways, there was none of the usual traffick of agents and support personnel hustling back and forth as might happen on a ‘normal’ day at this time. I took the way back that avoided the entrance to the NecroLab. I figured those guys would want to see me even less than Betty would.
Back at the door to the conference room, the door clicked open as I approached, perfectly timed with my arrival.
Drake was in his normal position at the far end of the expansive table. He seemed small, yet still dangerous in his large, leather chair. My place had apparently been chosen ahead of time as a chair just to his left was pulled out, with a pad of paper and a pen sitting atop of it waiting for me.
Instead, I pulled out the similarly large chair at the other end of the conference table, about 15 feet away from Drake, and sat down, defiant.
We sat silently gauging each other, neither one of us rushing to break the silence, engaging in a little brinksmanship.
Finally, he smiled that bloodless, tight smile of his. “I see. So the Student wishes to break from the Master.”
“I don’t know what you are referring to, but I am not going to be treated like a possession any more. I am not some damn circus animal performing tricks for you or anyone else.”
“You are unique, Agent Bones. No one knows exactly what you are capable of, and because of that, we are curious. We need to know if there are improvements we can make for...”
“For those who follow behind me...yeah, I know. I’ve heard the company line too many times to count.”
He waited, silent, for me to continue with the unspoken questions.
“Dammit, I want to know what happened to Greg.”
“He was killed in the line of duty...”
Impatient, I brought my hand down on the table with an audible smack, silencing him. “Goddamit, I know he was killed on duty. I read the reports and talked to his department. I know the gloss you want others to believe, you fucking leach, but I KNOW you had something to do with his death, with my death, and with Brian’s death too. You are going to come straight with me or so help me...”
“Agent Bones, it will not be good for your career, or for anyone here for you to be threatening me, or to be engaging in baseless speculation. I can assure you that I have had nothing to do with the deaths of you or anyone else who has participated in this program.”
“I don’t believe you. I may not be able to prove it yet, but I am not going to stop searching for the clues that you or your henchman have left behind.”
He sneered at me. “You may be a fine investigator, Agent Bones, but you will not find what does not exist. You and your fellow team members were all chosen because you were fine officers. But you were also chosen because you worked in a very dangerous field. It is very unfortunate that now four out of the first six we have chosen have passed away so soon and in such tragic circumstances. But I assure you, neither I nor any of my associates and partners have had anything to do with your deaths.
“As a matter of fact,” he continued, “we were not fully prepared to handle the passing of so many of you within such a short period of time. That is one of the reasons that you were the first one to be brought back successfully. Now don’t get me wrong, we did our best to make each transition successful, but it just wasn’t possible before you.
“Indeed, if I had my druthers, I would not be going to Officer Tasker’s funeral on Saturday. We will make every effort to fulfill our obligation to bring Officer Tasker back and give him the same support in this process that you have received. But it will be challenging, we will be straining all of our resources to accomplish that task and to keep working with you.”
I glared at him, not allowing myself to believe his fake sympathy. “You knew that Greg was going to quit the program didn’t you?”
His expression didn’t change. Either he knew, or he had the best damnpoker face besides, well...me.
“How could I know what his intentions were Agent Bones? He has never communicated a desire to quit to me or anyone on my staff.”
“Not yet. He told me on Saturday that he was gonna quit and try to save his marriage.”
“Unfortunately, he never expressed such a sentiment to me. However, if everything goes as well as I expect it to, he will be able to communicate with us within two weeks. If he tells us to discontinue our efforts, we will do so, no further questions asked.”
I stared at him, trying to gauge the truth to his words. “After all of the investment you and the Bureau have made in us, you expect me to believe that you would let his spirit go if he wanted you to?”
He opened his clasped hands, showing his bare palms in that universal gesture of someone showing they have peaceful intentions. “Yes, I do. We have no interest in unwilling subjects. Which brings me back to you. Your recent outbursts and your hostile attitudes towards myself and the heroes in that Lab who have worked day and night to make you functional over the last fifteen months are simply unacceptable. Do you wish to continue with this project?”
That caught me off-guard! “Do you mean that I have options?”
“Yes, of course. I thought I had made that clear previously. If you do not wish to continue in this program, we can de-activate the device that contains your spirit and you will be free to pursue whatever afterlife you have earned for yourself.”
‘What if I don’t want to continue working for you, but want to keep myself, as I am now, intact?”
“That would be more problematic. There are certain obligations that need to be fulfilled, contractually, as well as morally.”
I was curious at this. “What do you mean about moral obligations?”
“Well, as you demonstrated so well in your previous assignments, and unfortunately on poor Dr. Bernstein, you are rather dangerous when you choose to be. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to leave this program and my supervision as you are now if you are going to be a menace to society.”
I thought about that for a minute. Damn, he had a point. How did he change my focus so easily from my outrage at his alleged guilt (that I had no proof of, yet) to my own rather questionable behavior?
“OK, I admit I haven’t been the best behaved little zombie. I want to be around to talk to Greg when he is able to communicate, and will do what I can to help, if you wish.”
Drake smiled. This time it seemed more genuine. “Yes, I would like that very much. Now, we have a great deal of work to do in order to prepare for Officer Tasker’s arrival after the funeral. Dr. Bernstein could use your assistance in the Lab with some very heavy equipment.”
He stood up, seeming pretty smug about things.
I stood up as well. “Yeah, I probably owe the Geek an apology as well. Look, I’ll try to be better about this whole thing. This process isn’t easy. I don’t have the comfort of my past addictions to fall back into.” I looked down at my boots, shuffling a little. “I want to go to Greg’s funeral. I want to be there when he comes through the process and can speak again.”
He held out his bony hand. “Yes. I think that would be very good. He knows you and trusts you. I would like you to be there as well. But first, there is much to get ready.”
After that, I sheepishly followed him back into the NecroLab. I made my apologies to Dr. Geek and his staff. I helped them late into the night moving heavy lab tables and strange looking machines that I remembered only fuzzily from my own transition. The menial work seemed to help keep my mind after those troubling thoughts that kept creeping back in.
I don’t trust Drake, or Bernstein for that matter, but I don’t have anything solid against them other than a seemingly long list of strange coincidences and conjecture. Being a cop was dangerous. But was it as dangerous as it has proved to be for the team? I’m not sure of anything at the moment.
So, until I know for sure, I need to stick around and see what these folks are really up to. What is the true agenda of this whole program? Is it truly to preserve the knowledge and experience of good cops? Or perhaps something more sinister? Time and patience will tell, and I appear to have more of the first than I do the second. I need to find that patience of the dead and allow things to play out a little longer.
Meanwhile, I ask you to help me in this.
Please note: I will be travelling for the funeral and will not have the opportuntiy to do any blogging until after the weekend is over and Greg is safely ensconsed in the NecroLab. I promise to provide what details I can afterwards.
The meeting took place as planned, Thursday afternoon. I reported to the conference room where Drake likes to hold his meetings.
As I entered the building and made my way back to the conference room, I noticed that people were on edge. Betty barely wanted to glance my way, just buzzing me back through without so much as a hello. In the hallways, there was none of the usual traffick of agents and support personnel hustling back and forth as might happen on a ‘normal’ day at this time. I took the way back that avoided the entrance to the NecroLab. I figured those guys would want to see me even less than Betty would.
Back at the door to the conference room, the door clicked open as I approached, perfectly timed with my arrival.
Drake was in his normal position at the far end of the expansive table. He seemed small, yet still dangerous in his large, leather chair. My place had apparently been chosen ahead of time as a chair just to his left was pulled out, with a pad of paper and a pen sitting atop of it waiting for me.
Instead, I pulled out the similarly large chair at the other end of the conference table, about 15 feet away from Drake, and sat down, defiant.
We sat silently gauging each other, neither one of us rushing to break the silence, engaging in a little brinksmanship.
Finally, he smiled that bloodless, tight smile of his. “I see. So the Student wishes to break from the Master.”
“I don’t know what you are referring to, but I am not going to be treated like a possession any more. I am not some damn circus animal performing tricks for you or anyone else.”
“You are unique, Agent Bones. No one knows exactly what you are capable of, and because of that, we are curious. We need to know if there are improvements we can make for...”
“For those who follow behind me...yeah, I know. I’ve heard the company line too many times to count.”
He waited, silent, for me to continue with the unspoken questions.
“Dammit, I want to know what happened to Greg.”
“He was killed in the line of duty...”
Impatient, I brought my hand down on the table with an audible smack, silencing him. “Goddamit, I know he was killed on duty. I read the reports and talked to his department. I know the gloss you want others to believe, you fucking leach, but I KNOW you had something to do with his death, with my death, and with Brian’s death too. You are going to come straight with me or so help me...”
“Agent Bones, it will not be good for your career, or for anyone here for you to be threatening me, or to be engaging in baseless speculation. I can assure you that I have had nothing to do with the deaths of you or anyone else who has participated in this program.”
“I don’t believe you. I may not be able to prove it yet, but I am not going to stop searching for the clues that you or your henchman have left behind.”
He sneered at me. “You may be a fine investigator, Agent Bones, but you will not find what does not exist. You and your fellow team members were all chosen because you were fine officers. But you were also chosen because you worked in a very dangerous field. It is very unfortunate that now four out of the first six we have chosen have passed away so soon and in such tragic circumstances. But I assure you, neither I nor any of my associates and partners have had anything to do with your deaths.
“As a matter of fact,” he continued, “we were not fully prepared to handle the passing of so many of you within such a short period of time. That is one of the reasons that you were the first one to be brought back successfully. Now don’t get me wrong, we did our best to make each transition successful, but it just wasn’t possible before you.
“Indeed, if I had my druthers, I would not be going to Officer Tasker’s funeral on Saturday. We will make every effort to fulfill our obligation to bring Officer Tasker back and give him the same support in this process that you have received. But it will be challenging, we will be straining all of our resources to accomplish that task and to keep working with you.”
I glared at him, not allowing myself to believe his fake sympathy. “You knew that Greg was going to quit the program didn’t you?”
His expression didn’t change. Either he knew, or he had the best damnpoker face besides, well...me.
“How could I know what his intentions were Agent Bones? He has never communicated a desire to quit to me or anyone on my staff.”
“Not yet. He told me on Saturday that he was gonna quit and try to save his marriage.”
“Unfortunately, he never expressed such a sentiment to me. However, if everything goes as well as I expect it to, he will be able to communicate with us within two weeks. If he tells us to discontinue our efforts, we will do so, no further questions asked.”
I stared at him, trying to gauge the truth to his words. “After all of the investment you and the Bureau have made in us, you expect me to believe that you would let his spirit go if he wanted you to?”
He opened his clasped hands, showing his bare palms in that universal gesture of someone showing they have peaceful intentions. “Yes, I do. We have no interest in unwilling subjects. Which brings me back to you. Your recent outbursts and your hostile attitudes towards myself and the heroes in that Lab who have worked day and night to make you functional over the last fifteen months are simply unacceptable. Do you wish to continue with this project?”
That caught me off-guard! “Do you mean that I have options?”
“Yes, of course. I thought I had made that clear previously. If you do not wish to continue in this program, we can de-activate the device that contains your spirit and you will be free to pursue whatever afterlife you have earned for yourself.”
‘What if I don’t want to continue working for you, but want to keep myself, as I am now, intact?”
“That would be more problematic. There are certain obligations that need to be fulfilled, contractually, as well as morally.”
I was curious at this. “What do you mean about moral obligations?”
“Well, as you demonstrated so well in your previous assignments, and unfortunately on poor Dr. Bernstein, you are rather dangerous when you choose to be. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to leave this program and my supervision as you are now if you are going to be a menace to society.”
I thought about that for a minute. Damn, he had a point. How did he change my focus so easily from my outrage at his alleged guilt (that I had no proof of, yet) to my own rather questionable behavior?
“OK, I admit I haven’t been the best behaved little zombie. I want to be around to talk to Greg when he is able to communicate, and will do what I can to help, if you wish.”
Drake smiled. This time it seemed more genuine. “Yes, I would like that very much. Now, we have a great deal of work to do in order to prepare for Officer Tasker’s arrival after the funeral. Dr. Bernstein could use your assistance in the Lab with some very heavy equipment.”
He stood up, seeming pretty smug about things.
I stood up as well. “Yeah, I probably owe the Geek an apology as well. Look, I’ll try to be better about this whole thing. This process isn’t easy. I don’t have the comfort of my past addictions to fall back into.” I looked down at my boots, shuffling a little. “I want to go to Greg’s funeral. I want to be there when he comes through the process and can speak again.”
He held out his bony hand. “Yes. I think that would be very good. He knows you and trusts you. I would like you to be there as well. But first, there is much to get ready.”
After that, I sheepishly followed him back into the NecroLab. I made my apologies to Dr. Geek and his staff. I helped them late into the night moving heavy lab tables and strange looking machines that I remembered only fuzzily from my own transition. The menial work seemed to help keep my mind after those troubling thoughts that kept creeping back in.
I don’t trust Drake, or Bernstein for that matter, but I don’t have anything solid against them other than a seemingly long list of strange coincidences and conjecture. Being a cop was dangerous. But was it as dangerous as it has proved to be for the team? I’m not sure of anything at the moment.
So, until I know for sure, I need to stick around and see what these folks are really up to. What is the true agenda of this whole program? Is it truly to preserve the knowledge and experience of good cops? Or perhaps something more sinister? Time and patience will tell, and I appear to have more of the first than I do the second. I need to find that patience of the dead and allow things to play out a little longer.
Meanwhile, I ask you to help me in this.
Please note: I will be travelling for the funeral and will not have the opportuntiy to do any blogging until after the weekend is over and Greg is safely ensconsed in the NecroLab. I promise to provide what details I can afterwards.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Mirror, Mirror...
I am not sure what to expect with the meeting with Drake scheduled for tomorrow, so I thought I would go a little bit lighter tonight and give you a little view of what I see when I look into a mirror. I know a number of you are curious as to what is so different about me, what I look like and what requirements I have to remain functional.
First, let me start with my outward appearance: I am bald, all of the hair was shaved from my head, and every other part of my body as well. I am fairly short and stockily built, I stand about 5'9" in my boots (that I never take off in public), and tip the scales at 320 pounds+, although that number is deceiving. My bones are much heavier than when I was alive, so I look more like a linebacker than a couch potato in general. I have wide shoulders, and very thick legs. My abdomen is not athletic thin, but I don't overhang the belt either, if you know what I mean. What's left of my skin is very tough and leathery looking--I've been told I am rough to the touch as well by the NecroLab geeks who worked on me. My abdomen is riddled with scars, one large one from the embalming where they removed all of my internal organs and remade me inside, and dozens of smaller scars that have been patched up from various bullet wounds, and more recently, the grenade blast in the Rocky Mountain raid.
My face is nothing pretty to look at either, it seems rougher boned, almost edgier than when I was alive, perhaps something to do with what they did to my bones in the first place. I have single scar on my forehead, which is unmistakably a sewn-up bullet wound, which I have to cover with a hat or a headband if I don't want to be answering questions or scaring the piss out of people. My eyes were brown when I was alive, but since they had to replace the eyeballs with something more durable and the technology wasn't the best, they now almost bulge from my sockets and seem to glow subtly red in most light. In darkness, they definitely glow red, as I benefit from having infra-red vision. My eyes also double as webcams that can be tied into certain Bureau surveilance systems, although I have the final control on what and when they actually record and transmit data. Needless to say, I wear wrap-around, reflective sun-glasses when I need to pass for 'normal'.
The skin on my hands has pretty much been stripped away, revealing a very robotic looking contrapition for hands, although most of it is my own bones, only modified with metals for strength, and wired together by many flexible little wires. My range of motion in my hands is not as fine as I would like it to be, but they are incredbily strong. I usually wear some very fine, and expensive, gloves to cover up that mess.
My feet are pretty much the same, very little in the way of actual skin left down there, so I tend to keep hard soled boots on most of the time. I do have some sock-like leather sleeves I can wear on my feet, but I prefer not to if I can avoid it.
On the inside, my bones are almost all modified...those that had marrow in them, have been filled with some sort of very heavy liquid metals that tend to fill in any cracks that develop and harden. The outside of most of my bones have also been coated wtih some fine metal sheathing. Most of my musculature remains intact, but has been altered chemically so as not to decompose, the muscles are activated somehow (I didn't understand it when they explained it to me) by my artifical neural network. Instead of a biological nervous system, I have been rewired with a series of very fine, almost invisible (inside my skin, of course) wires that connect the muscles and bones to the unit that serves as the home for my spirit and also serves as my brain (let's call this my Chakra--yes I've been doing some reading on this stuff now). That unit is buried deeply in my torso, and is shielded by multiple layers of kevlar, special steel, and other new fangled ceramic materials.
Where my brain used to be, I have been told, are the optical and aural systems that allow me to see and hear. As I mentioned above, I can see in the infra-red spectrum as well as normal light. My infra-red system is much like modern night vision equipment which lacks proper depth perception, but it is better than being blind in the dark. My hearing is very sharp as well, I have been told that it is almost as good as many dogs, allowing me to hear in higher and lower frequencies than humans can. This can be distracting, as I am still learning to adjust to that.
I have absolutely no senses of smell or taste--apparently these were not given a very high priority by the Lab Geeks or the Necromancers who came up with this design. Probably just as well, because it would be Hell on me if I could taste or smell food, and then not be able to drink or eat it.
Touch is a little different. I don't have any true senstivity, and cannot feel pain, heat, or cold, but I can 'feel' contact in a disconnected sort of way. I am still learning not too mash down on my keyboard too much, and have difficulty when opening doors or other fine motor skills based on touch. I am learning to adjust, and have avoided shaking hands much or touching others outside of combat in fear of actually hurting them by accident.
My speech is made possible by drawing in air into some mini-lungs they installed in the upper part of my chest, and then exhaling through my modified vocal chords. My voice does sound duller and lacks the rane Iused to have, but I also don't need to breathe in order to function, only to speak relatively normally. I do have a backup speech system that is a computer generated voice if my lungs don't functions for some reason.
As you saw with the lab incident, I am very strong physically, and can easily lift two or three times what even very strong human weightlifters of my size can. I can do it repeatedly, without tiring as well, as long as I stock up on fuel ahead of time.
So how do I fuel my body? Well everyone who knew me before I died wondered how I could drink as much Coca-Cola as I did, and many often joked about affixing an IV to my arm to avoid having to actually drink the stuff. Well, now I pretty much get to do that. It doesn't have to be Coke per se, but can be any soda or juice product that is not diet. The fluid goes into what is left of my circulatory system, and the calories are burned up by special chemical processes within my body to fuel it. I generally hook up a two liter bottle to a special IV rig that flushes some of the old out and infuses me with the new each morning before heading out. I have found though, that I can actually go several days without replenishing this, but have been advised that I should 'flush and gush' once every 24 hours for optimal performance. Pretty amazing huh? I still need my caffeine (at least psychologically-since I don't actually need caffeine-just calories) each morning. There is a small pump near my Chakra that moves this fluid around, but it is very small and slow, I don't think the beat is discernible, it is a steady rate of slightly less than one squish per minute, whether I am active or not.
Because of the fluid going through my body, I do actually 'bleed' now when I am shot (or blown up), but its really only the leftover liquid from whatever I shot into my system earlier...I think the total capacity to fill me up is around 8 liters...that's a lot of caffeine, but its pretty damn cheap energy to keep me going!
Well, that's about it for tonight, I have some further research to do before the big meeting tomorrow. I also need to get in touch with the guys who haven't died yet, and apprise them of some of the danger they may be in, if they haven't figured it out for themselves yet.
Hopefully, I will be able to give a decent accounting of that meeting tomorrow evening. Wish me luck!
First, let me start with my outward appearance: I am bald, all of the hair was shaved from my head, and every other part of my body as well. I am fairly short and stockily built, I stand about 5'9" in my boots (that I never take off in public), and tip the scales at 320 pounds+, although that number is deceiving. My bones are much heavier than when I was alive, so I look more like a linebacker than a couch potato in general. I have wide shoulders, and very thick legs. My abdomen is not athletic thin, but I don't overhang the belt either, if you know what I mean. What's left of my skin is very tough and leathery looking--I've been told I am rough to the touch as well by the NecroLab geeks who worked on me. My abdomen is riddled with scars, one large one from the embalming where they removed all of my internal organs and remade me inside, and dozens of smaller scars that have been patched up from various bullet wounds, and more recently, the grenade blast in the Rocky Mountain raid.
My face is nothing pretty to look at either, it seems rougher boned, almost edgier than when I was alive, perhaps something to do with what they did to my bones in the first place. I have single scar on my forehead, which is unmistakably a sewn-up bullet wound, which I have to cover with a hat or a headband if I don't want to be answering questions or scaring the piss out of people. My eyes were brown when I was alive, but since they had to replace the eyeballs with something more durable and the technology wasn't the best, they now almost bulge from my sockets and seem to glow subtly red in most light. In darkness, they definitely glow red, as I benefit from having infra-red vision. My eyes also double as webcams that can be tied into certain Bureau surveilance systems, although I have the final control on what and when they actually record and transmit data. Needless to say, I wear wrap-around, reflective sun-glasses when I need to pass for 'normal'.
The skin on my hands has pretty much been stripped away, revealing a very robotic looking contrapition for hands, although most of it is my own bones, only modified with metals for strength, and wired together by many flexible little wires. My range of motion in my hands is not as fine as I would like it to be, but they are incredbily strong. I usually wear some very fine, and expensive, gloves to cover up that mess.
My feet are pretty much the same, very little in the way of actual skin left down there, so I tend to keep hard soled boots on most of the time. I do have some sock-like leather sleeves I can wear on my feet, but I prefer not to if I can avoid it.
On the inside, my bones are almost all modified...those that had marrow in them, have been filled with some sort of very heavy liquid metals that tend to fill in any cracks that develop and harden. The outside of most of my bones have also been coated wtih some fine metal sheathing. Most of my musculature remains intact, but has been altered chemically so as not to decompose, the muscles are activated somehow (I didn't understand it when they explained it to me) by my artifical neural network. Instead of a biological nervous system, I have been rewired with a series of very fine, almost invisible (inside my skin, of course) wires that connect the muscles and bones to the unit that serves as the home for my spirit and also serves as my brain (let's call this my Chakra--yes I've been doing some reading on this stuff now). That unit is buried deeply in my torso, and is shielded by multiple layers of kevlar, special steel, and other new fangled ceramic materials.
Where my brain used to be, I have been told, are the optical and aural systems that allow me to see and hear. As I mentioned above, I can see in the infra-red spectrum as well as normal light. My infra-red system is much like modern night vision equipment which lacks proper depth perception, but it is better than being blind in the dark. My hearing is very sharp as well, I have been told that it is almost as good as many dogs, allowing me to hear in higher and lower frequencies than humans can. This can be distracting, as I am still learning to adjust to that.
I have absolutely no senses of smell or taste--apparently these were not given a very high priority by the Lab Geeks or the Necromancers who came up with this design. Probably just as well, because it would be Hell on me if I could taste or smell food, and then not be able to drink or eat it.
Touch is a little different. I don't have any true senstivity, and cannot feel pain, heat, or cold, but I can 'feel' contact in a disconnected sort of way. I am still learning not too mash down on my keyboard too much, and have difficulty when opening doors or other fine motor skills based on touch. I am learning to adjust, and have avoided shaking hands much or touching others outside of combat in fear of actually hurting them by accident.
My speech is made possible by drawing in air into some mini-lungs they installed in the upper part of my chest, and then exhaling through my modified vocal chords. My voice does sound duller and lacks the rane Iused to have, but I also don't need to breathe in order to function, only to speak relatively normally. I do have a backup speech system that is a computer generated voice if my lungs don't functions for some reason.
As you saw with the lab incident, I am very strong physically, and can easily lift two or three times what even very strong human weightlifters of my size can. I can do it repeatedly, without tiring as well, as long as I stock up on fuel ahead of time.
So how do I fuel my body? Well everyone who knew me before I died wondered how I could drink as much Coca-Cola as I did, and many often joked about affixing an IV to my arm to avoid having to actually drink the stuff. Well, now I pretty much get to do that. It doesn't have to be Coke per se, but can be any soda or juice product that is not diet. The fluid goes into what is left of my circulatory system, and the calories are burned up by special chemical processes within my body to fuel it. I generally hook up a two liter bottle to a special IV rig that flushes some of the old out and infuses me with the new each morning before heading out. I have found though, that I can actually go several days without replenishing this, but have been advised that I should 'flush and gush' once every 24 hours for optimal performance. Pretty amazing huh? I still need my caffeine (at least psychologically-since I don't actually need caffeine-just calories) each morning. There is a small pump near my Chakra that moves this fluid around, but it is very small and slow, I don't think the beat is discernible, it is a steady rate of slightly less than one squish per minute, whether I am active or not.
Because of the fluid going through my body, I do actually 'bleed' now when I am shot (or blown up), but its really only the leftover liquid from whatever I shot into my system earlier...I think the total capacity to fill me up is around 8 liters...that's a lot of caffeine, but its pretty damn cheap energy to keep me going!
Well, that's about it for tonight, I have some further research to do before the big meeting tomorrow. I also need to get in touch with the guys who haven't died yet, and apprise them of some of the danger they may be in, if they haven't figured it out for themselves yet.
Hopefully, I will be able to give a decent accounting of that meeting tomorrow evening. Wish me luck!
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