Dilemma

I have just returned from the office.

I went with Drake and his team (including Dr. Geek and some of his assistants) to the Dallas area, where the funeral took place. It was a long trip, we took a small corporate style jet on the way out--it's much easier for me to travel by air using such means, since there is no way any airport screener would allow me to pass through their checkpoints...even with a Bureau badge and credentials.

On the way back though, I accompanied Greg's body back in the back of a special semi-trailer.

The funeral was very surreal. Going through the ceremonies and seeing his body laying in the casket brought back memories of my own passing. I haven't written about that time yet in this forum, because it was intensely personal, and very difficult. I shall try to talk about it now, because it has important implications in my current dilemma.

When I was killed that night, there was almost no pain. I didn't feel my body after the initial impact. I also didn't see any special tunnel of lights like so many people describe from their near death experiences. One moment I was confronted by a group fo masked punks, the next moment I see a flash, hear a bang, and feel the explosion on my forehead. An instant of splitting pain, and then....nothing but blackness.

In what seemed a time period that stretched into eternity, I lay there in darkness. Hearing nothing, seeing nothing. I could only remember thinking that perhaps I had been right all along...that we humans had no souls. We were born, we lived as best we could, and when we died, nothing...but, as you know now, I was wrong.

Sometime after my body had been picked up and delivered to the morgue for processing, I felt a strange pulling sensation. In a strange, surreal moment, I realized I could sit up. Flexing what felt like muscles, I stretched and sat up from the slab in the morgue. The lights were bleary, blinking and inconsistent. Shadows played in strange ways. The color seemed washed out of everything. I looked down at my hand and saw through it to my flesh still laying lifeless on the table. The part of me that sat up was not my body, but my...spirit, I guess. I was able to get up completely from my body, feeling a strange pull to a box on another table.

I walked (floated?)(moved?) over to this box and saw my bloodsoaked uniform laying inside, with my other personal affects laying there. I felt pulled towards the necklace that I had worn since my last visit to El Diablito in Florida, when he had completed the rituals that had created it. (I now call the amulet that was attached to that necklace my Chakra.)

As I was contemplating all of this, I realized the strange shadows that seemed to keep moving about were actually people! They seemed to come in and out of focus, to disappear and reappear without rhyme or reason. I tried blinking, but it just wasn't the same, I had no real physical sensations anymore. I realized it was me who was the shadow and the shadows were the real people.

I tried calling out, screaming, but no one seemed to notice at first. There was this one woman, a morgue technician, I think, who seemed to pause a couple of times and look in my direction. But she seemed to shiver and shake it off, like she was dismissing a bad feeling or shaking herself from a momentary daydream. The voices of these people seemed garbled at times, and others time rang clear in sort of randomized bits, sort of like having water trapped in your ear, or trying to listen to the words someone is saying while they, or you, are underwater.

This weird transitional state lasted for days. I found that I mostly tied to the amulet, although I could move away for short periods. The farther I moved, and the longer I was away from it though, the harder the compulsion to return became. It also seemed like a slender, shadowy cord seemed to connect my spirit self to the amulet. The farther I moved, the thinner it became.

I have much more to say about this time, but that will be for other posts, or maybe for the book.

My present dilemma comes from the fact that I know that Greg's spirit is near his body and the amulet that was made for him as well. I can SEE and HEAR him like I never could sense such things before. I am torn. I used some of the skills that John Red Bear has taught me to step more fully into the spirit world and talk to him. It was a long ride back from Seattle and we had much to talk about. I need to keep our conversation confidential at this point, but let me just say he wants me to find a way to release him before they finish the project and bring him back fully like they have done to me. He is completely miserable. He also thinks that Drake had something to do with his murder and doesn't want to participate any further.

I think I might know how I could do this, but obviously if I help him like this, I jeopardize much. I don't think I can do it quietly or in a way that won't be figured out pretty easily. I also don't know if he has fully thought out the implications of my acting on his current wish. I don't know if he will feel this way once the process is completed, or if he will change his mind.

So my choices are: 1) let things continue to progress unimpeded and try to comfort Greg as best I can, 2) do something to stop his transition, or 3) let Drake know that Greg can communicate with me now and see what he has to say about this development.

I am leaning towards helping Greg to end his experiment, but I am stll wrestling with these possibilities and seemingly endless combinations.

The Bureau (and Drake) don't know about his blog yet, so what I say here is pretty safe for the moment, but it will one day be discovered as well. When that happens, I don't know how Drake will react, but I don't think it be pleasant!

I will post more on this problem as I can.