Thursday, November 03, 2005

Confessions...Part 2

Our fear of the Dark is something that is so ancient, so primal, that it is an almost universal fear among humans. It must harken back to the days when our ancestors lived in caves or in small, rudimentary structures and gathered around the fire at night to keep the nocturnal predators, be they beast or other men, at bay.

Because of the way our eyes work, we feel particularly vulnerable in the dark. Our other senses heighten when we are in darkness, particularly our hearing and our sense of touch. Have you ever felt how sensitive your skin gets at night, when you are absolutely sure that feathery light touch is that of a spider crawling up your leg?

The blind find themselves living in a world of darkness all of the time, which is why the sighted often just shudder when they contemplate what would happen if they were to lose their vision.

Even as a child though, I was fascinated with the Dark. As a young man, I would often turn off all of the lights in my room and even cover up the slits beneath my door or around the window shades in order to make my room as pitch black as possible. I would then try to navigate through my room in that darkness, testing my balance and my memory of where things were.

As early as 5 years old, I would unplug the nightlights my parents would leave on at night, because having even a little light like that made it harder for me to fall asleep. That stuck with me all the through until my marriage. One of the great differences between my ex-wife and I was that she needed to have lights on at night, and often would leave the TV going all through the night, while I preferred to have it dark and silent. Eventually, the only compromise that could be made was for me to work the night shift often as I could trade for it from other officers. That way she could have the TV going and lights on while she drifted off into her fitfull sleep, and I could come home in the morning, and tape the shades shut like I did when I was a boy, and make the room as dark as possible while she was working in the house and the kids were at school.

Of course, when we went our separate ways, and I was a bachelor again, I was able to work whatever shift I liked, but I was so used to working the night shift at that point, and I had come to love the strange people you encounter as a cop at three or four in the morning, that I kept those hours for the most part.

My love of the dark even followed me into (un)death, especially in those early days when I was just trying out my newly animated body. I was able to pass as a normal person much easier in the dark of night.

But with the addition of aspects of Ma Grendel’s essence, my love for the Dark has now reached even deeper levels, making it all too predictable that I would feel most comfortable in near total darkness.

Despite my love for this place that I taken Dr. Bernstein to, I was very familiar with that primal fear that most people still harbored for the Dark, and figured to use that to its fullest effect on poor Dr. Geek.

It didn’t take all that long for him to find the wrapped glowsticks as the first one began to wane. I was curious to see if he would let the Darkness come now that he thought he was all alone.

I didn’t have to wait long. He had the second glowstick unwrapped and activated before it truly got dark enough for me to enjoy it again. Oh well, at least this would be over all that much sooner....