On Zombie's Editorial

This post was supposed to be the resumption of the tale of how I returned to the world in physical form and found my way back to blogging this tale for your benefit. But you know what? That post was boring the ever-loving-shit out of me. Let me tell you, when a zombie gets bored, then there isn’t much hope for the living.

From this point forward, this blog is going to return a little bit to its roots. I originally started this blog as one pissed-off dead man trying to figure this undead shit out. Over the years, as I’ve muddled my way through the story you’ve read so far, this blog has morphed into a long-winded narrative of events that—while perhaps interesting to some—has lost the edge that I now know makes it more interesting and relevant.

I will still be telling you about some of the adventures that I seem to fall into by virtue of my very existence, but I will also be sprinkling in a few juicy editorial bits into the mix. You should be duly warned, however, that I’m not going to restrict my editorial voice to the strange shit that I get mixed up in—I’m going to let loose a few barrages on your crazy-assed world.

For example…I’ve been sitting here for days trying to figure out how to make my return from the Alaskan wilderness worth reading and just running into a brick wall as much more interesting shit is happening around the world that is just crying out for semi-intelligent commentary from an undead cop.

First of all, in the span of time it has taken for China to put on the 2008 Olympics, Russia has started and ended a war of occupation in one of its former satellite states, Georgia. This short, bloody affair has demonstrated that the fine words and bold predictions of the current administration regarding the promise of democracy and freedom are but a thin veneer covering a very hollow foreign policy. The petals of the Rose Revolution have been crushed beneath the bloody treads of Russian tanks while everyone counts their gold, silver and bronze medals. Just imagine how much worse it would have been if Georgia had actually been a member of NATO? Are you telling me that the United States and all of its NATO ‘partners’ would actually go to war with Russia over Georgia? I think the answer to that question is best said in Russian…nyet. That failure would have put to rest the bold-faced lie that is the NATO ‘alliance’ faster than is already happening in Afghanistan.

Speaking of Afghanistan, isn’t it amazing that that one shit-hole of a country will have humbled the military forces of three of the largest and most powerful militaries of their respective eras. First, the British Empire had its ass handed to it by the Pashtuns back in the day. Then the mujahudeen humbled the mighty Soviet machine in the eighties with a little help from the CIA and their international playboy turned rabid holy warrior, Osama bin Laden. Now the afore-mentioned NATO is in the process of being humiliated by a raggedy band of religious students and hard core extremists trained and in part led by the same kidney-disease-ravaged bin Laden who our president promised to bring back ‘dead or alive’ right after that guy masterminded the largest terrorist attack ever perpetrated on the United States, nearly seven years ago.

Of course this humiliation is only possible because this country is led by a simple-minded buffoon who used the opportunity of that tragedy to initiate a war of choice against old adversary of his father on the false pretext of illusory ‘weapons of mass destruction’ that never materialized. This bogged down our military, bled the country of hundreds of billions of dollars and thousands of lives all while besmirching our national honor with the torture of hundreds of prisoners and killing of thousands of innocent civilians.

Meanwhile, the emperor fiddles as the economy burns. Ordinary people are losing their homes at the fastest rate since the Great Depression while the Republican presidential candidate who once appeared to be a man of honor and integrity can’t remember how many homes he actually owns while his PR staff tries to paint the other main presidential candidate as an out-of-touch elitist and a celebrity. All of this despite the fact that his opponent just happens to be the first serious minority candidate for the highest office, a man who made it to one of the best universities in country by virtue of scholarships and hard work. That same Republican candidate was the son of an admiral who parlayed his family connections into a career as a navy pilot despite his barely passable skills and study habits.

Closer to home, we have the mayor of the Detroit racking up felony charges faster than he type out ever so embarrassing text messages to his various mistresses. When he’s not too busy ruining the careers of vigilant police officers, he’s finding creative ways to cover-up mysterious parties or pay off his pliant show-wife with free cars and phony city-funded contracts to her ‘charity causes’.

Whew…just venting some of that stuff has gotten my fingers flowing once more.

My next post will catch you up on some of the doings in my renewed undead existence, and will focus less on the shit that pisses me off. But you can rest assured that this blog will have a lot more Lewis Black-like commentary as the need arises.