Remembrances

Unfortuantely, none of the three of us could discern what had been done to poor John. It was pretty clear that whatever Papa Locks had intended to do with the chakra, he hadn’t yet completed it.

John was quite obviously still alive, as evidenced by his twitching muscles and the occasional gasp or garbled shout that escaped his lips, but it also obvious that something had been done to prevent him from rising to consciousness. He had no serious wounds visible, despite a fat lip from where Papa Locks had clocked him.

I thought that with him physically near me, that it might be easier to reach him in the Spirit Worlds, but I was unable to locate him in any of our usual meeting places.

We decided to wait for help to arrive before trying anything more susbtantive. Herne was shown to a room of his own, where he locked away most of his weapons and the dusty jacket he had been wearing before heading upstairs to make some calls of his own and grab some food.

Ravyn Fyre took her own leave, saying she had to make some arrangements for the convocation thing that they had discussed earlier, and to get rooms ready for the people she was expecting later that night, a woman by the name of Cerrydwen-who she seemed to regard as almost a sister, and another woman she didn’t know who apparetnly went by the name of the Frau, even though she supposedly wasn’t German by descent. Strange people, these ORCs.

I grabbed a two liter of Mountain Dew from the fridge upstairs and was able to scavenge some tubing and a small funnel to take care of my own energy needs with an improvised ‘flush and gush’. Once that was finished, I returned to John’s room to meditate.

For the first time in quite a while, I had a moment to sit and think about things since there was no crisis that I could throw myself into. It’s pretty damn amazing to think of all the stuff that has happened to me in less than 18 months. It’s only been a little over two months since I had stated this blog, which I now see as a sort of rebirth, since it marks the beginning of what independence of action and thought I really had after Drake, Dr. Geek and the crew of the NecroLab were done with getting me ‘online’.

Re-reading the early entries of this blog, I am reminded of how much I have changed and grown in the experience. When I started posting, I was raving mad at how wrong I had been all of my life in terms of spirituality and at finding myself cast in the role of being an experiment, a modern day Frankenstein.

Somehow in all of the turmoil and struggle of these last couple of months, I have found my humanity again, something that I had no idea could be lost so easily, and then to be so hard to find again. I really have to thank John Red Bear for his starting me on that path again. It was his pulling me aside before that first mission we went on together in the Colorado Rockies that led me to taking those first, halting steps back into becoming fully human again.

I can clearly see now, how much effort Drake and his various flunkies put into trying to mold me into becoming the emotionless machine that they were really trying to create. They never had any intention of offering a second chance at life for dedicated police officers. I can see now how they chose candidates who fit into some kind of profile that led them to believe that they would get hard-assed types who lacked religion and spirituality, and then set about changing our lives so that we would be cut off even from family and loved ones. They wanted to create a cadre of trained killing machines for some unknown reason. It is pretty scary stuff really. Especially when I consider how close they came to succeeding with me.

Looking down at the suffering and pain in John’s face, I am reminded again of just how much I have lost, but finally, I am also reminded of just how much I am getting back. I will never again feel physical pain or pleasure, but I am learning to find joy in the things I can do to help others.

The fact that there are other people out here able and willing to help others when there is no obvious benefit for them to do so is also inspiring. I truly don’t know much about these people, Ravyn Fyre, Herne Clarksson, even John Re\d Bear yet, but I do know that they reached out to help me in my time of need and asked for nothing in return.

In return for his help, John was attacked, taken prisoner, and apparently hurt in some way that we have yet to figure out. I owe it to him, and to these others, to help them in any way that I can. Without them, I would still be a raging monster trapped in a nearly indestructable body-who knows what harm I could have been manipulated into doing.

I was apparently lost in thought for several hours as I contemplated all of this. I was brought back to the present moment when two new faces entereds the room, the Frau and Cerrydwen were finally here to see what they could to do help John.