I am approaching this entry with more than a little trepidation, and not necessarily because of the plight of poor Dr. Geek. Actually, that bastard is getting off fairly light-you see he was really in no danger of becoming a meat snack for any critters here, I made those things up...but more on that poor sap in a little bit...
The real reason I have been having a hard time preparing this post is the date that is rapidly approaching. October 31. Halloween. Happy Death Day to me!
Yeah, this Halloween, or Samhain as I refer to it now, will be the second anniversary of my untimely death...it will be two years from the night where I was assassinated by some killers who were hired by Drake to make my body (and Spirit) the next subject of his fucked up experiment that he called the Omega Project.
Even though it is the second anniversary of my death, it is actually going to be first time that I have been aware of it as such. It took Drake, Papa Locks, El Diablito and Dr. Geek over a year to make me fully operational. I was, for the most part, trapped inside that stupid Chakra device that they had created to contain and channel my Spirit in ways they had hoped would make me the amenable little robot of doom that they had intended to create. Instead, the bastards got something far worse...they created a monster with the heart and soul of a man.
I am not sure what I am going to do just yet to mark this sort of special occasion, or if I am going to slip away into the Shadow to let it pass.
I am not supposed to feel any damn emotions...but shit, this has gotten hard...
Fuck, those damn voices are whispering to me again...I will have to continue with the story on Tuesday if I am able. I need to go...
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Fulfilling Wishes...One Nightmare at a Time
By the time Dr. Geek was able to breathe semi-normally again, I had already opened a gateway into a world of darkness and shadow that was my haven of sorts from the world of the Living. This place was alien and forlorn, a world without inhabitants (for the most part). It was also a place that I could take someone to and know that I would be free to do with them as I pleased.
For poor Dr. Geek, this was his Guantanamo Bay, his Abu Ghraib, his own personal ‘renditioning’.
You see, I had discovered this place in my time with the Merlin. He had taught me how the various layers of the ‘onion-verse’ were interconnected by special tranisitional places that fit the traditional descriptions of the various ‘elemental planes’. The planes most commonly speculated to exist were Fire, Air, Water, and Earth. The most commonly visited planes were those of Spirit, as I myself had already experienced with John Red Bear’s assistance. But I had remembered that Papa Locks had seemed to use some sort of Shadow Magick to be able to travel from place to place quickly, so under the Merlin’s tutelage, and using my now innate mastery of shadow, I had discovered how to open portals into this gloriously desolate world. Even the Voices deep inside enjoyed my forays into this place, it was one of the few places where I could find peace from their incessant whispering.
As the portal leading from the only world Dr. Geek had known closed, he began to struggle feebly in my arms. We arrived at my chosen destination with a slight lurch. I dumped his coughing ass onto the rocky surface that would be his home for the next few hours at least.
I could see him regain the sense to try and look around. I had some sympathy for him, knowing that his mere human eyes would have great difficulty in seeing anything in this environment, so reached into my coat pocket and pulled out an unwrapped glowstick. I gave the thing a good shake, causing it to start glowing in a fluorescent lime green light that barely illuminated our figures.
His eyes latched onto this meager source of light immediately. I held out the stick for him to take, which he did, gingerly.
Using this feeble light, he scrambled to his feet and traced out the limits of the plateau on which we now stood. He looked more than a little shocked as he realized that the whole platform on which we were standing was about 15’ in diameter.
His hair blew in the breeze as he stood near the southern edge, which caused him to back up immediately. He turned to face me, almost kneeling in his attempt to keep a low center of gravity. “Rusty, wh..wh..where are we?”
I chuckled. “Dr. Bernstein, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Suffice it to say you’re definitely not in Kansas.”
He looked at me with a new realization. “You’ve learned to travel as Papa Locks did! You’ve learned to ShadowPort!”
“So is that what he called it? Did you ever go with him on his trips?”
“Uh, no. I never trusted that man, he gave me the creeps.” He seeemed to shudder at that thought. “Why are we still here, aren’t you going to take me back to the US? You know, you didn’t have to hit me, I would’ve gone with you willingly!”
“Would you now? Perhaps you think a little too kindly of me, Doctor. I haven’t yet decided if I will be taking you back to safety.”
“What...why not?”
“Well, first of all, you had a major hand in a lot of evil shit, and I’m not sure I believe your little story about this supposed child of mine. So I brought you here. I’m going to leave you in a few moments, because I want you to take some time and gather your thoughts. When I return, I am going to ask you some questions, Doctor, and you are going to answer them, honestly and completely. If I feel that you are holding anything back, or are lying to me, I’ll leave your ass here for a little bit longer.
“But before I go, I want you to understand a few things. First, that light you are holding will last about an hour before it peters out. When it does, you will find yourself sitting here in the dark again. You’ve seen how small this plateau is, but it is also very high up. You won’t be able to climb down from here, but even if you did, the creatures lurking in the darkness below would make quick work of you. As long as you remain up here, you will be safe from them.
“Second, I would keep quiet if I were you. You see, there are other creatures in this place that fly. Those creatures hunt by sound. There aren’t very many of them in this place, but they always come to investigate loud noises. There isn’t much fresh meat in this world, so you are a rather tasty looking meat snack. Those creatures, though, are allergic to light of any kind. So I will give you two more of these glowsticks. Don’t use them up too soon though, because they only last an hour!
“Finally, don’t think that anyone will be able to find you here. I have chosen this place very carefully. You will be alone with your thoughts and the creatures of this place, until I return for you. So think long and hard, Doctor, about the information you give me about this child and any other damn projects you neglected to keep notes about. If I don’t get the complete story from you when I come back, I will leave you here to die.”
He was looking more and more shocked as my speech went on, he looked to be on the verge of tears as he blurted out, “Why are you doing this, Rusty? I...I...I’ll tell you the truth now! Don’t do this to me! I can’t die in this place!”
“Why? I’ll leave it to you to figure that out, Doctor. Here.” I held out the two still wrapped glowsticks for him to take.
He was still in shock and disbelief at this point, so he just looked from my hand to my face and back to my hand again, but didn’t reach for them.
“Fine” I said as I dropped the two glowsticks to the plateau surface and gathered the nearest Shadows around myself and transported myself to another nearby plateau, far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to see or hear me, but where I could keep an easy eye on him.
Time to sit back and enjoy the show...
For poor Dr. Geek, this was his Guantanamo Bay, his Abu Ghraib, his own personal ‘renditioning’.
You see, I had discovered this place in my time with the Merlin. He had taught me how the various layers of the ‘onion-verse’ were interconnected by special tranisitional places that fit the traditional descriptions of the various ‘elemental planes’. The planes most commonly speculated to exist were Fire, Air, Water, and Earth. The most commonly visited planes were those of Spirit, as I myself had already experienced with John Red Bear’s assistance. But I had remembered that Papa Locks had seemed to use some sort of Shadow Magick to be able to travel from place to place quickly, so under the Merlin’s tutelage, and using my now innate mastery of shadow, I had discovered how to open portals into this gloriously desolate world. Even the Voices deep inside enjoyed my forays into this place, it was one of the few places where I could find peace from their incessant whispering.
As the portal leading from the only world Dr. Geek had known closed, he began to struggle feebly in my arms. We arrived at my chosen destination with a slight lurch. I dumped his coughing ass onto the rocky surface that would be his home for the next few hours at least.
I could see him regain the sense to try and look around. I had some sympathy for him, knowing that his mere human eyes would have great difficulty in seeing anything in this environment, so reached into my coat pocket and pulled out an unwrapped glowstick. I gave the thing a good shake, causing it to start glowing in a fluorescent lime green light that barely illuminated our figures.
His eyes latched onto this meager source of light immediately. I held out the stick for him to take, which he did, gingerly.
Using this feeble light, he scrambled to his feet and traced out the limits of the plateau on which we now stood. He looked more than a little shocked as he realized that the whole platform on which we were standing was about 15’ in diameter.
His hair blew in the breeze as he stood near the southern edge, which caused him to back up immediately. He turned to face me, almost kneeling in his attempt to keep a low center of gravity. “Rusty, wh..wh..where are we?”
I chuckled. “Dr. Bernstein, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Suffice it to say you’re definitely not in Kansas.”
He looked at me with a new realization. “You’ve learned to travel as Papa Locks did! You’ve learned to ShadowPort!”
“So is that what he called it? Did you ever go with him on his trips?”
“Uh, no. I never trusted that man, he gave me the creeps.” He seeemed to shudder at that thought. “Why are we still here, aren’t you going to take me back to the US? You know, you didn’t have to hit me, I would’ve gone with you willingly!”
“Would you now? Perhaps you think a little too kindly of me, Doctor. I haven’t yet decided if I will be taking you back to safety.”
“What...why not?”
“Well, first of all, you had a major hand in a lot of evil shit, and I’m not sure I believe your little story about this supposed child of mine. So I brought you here. I’m going to leave you in a few moments, because I want you to take some time and gather your thoughts. When I return, I am going to ask you some questions, Doctor, and you are going to answer them, honestly and completely. If I feel that you are holding anything back, or are lying to me, I’ll leave your ass here for a little bit longer.
“But before I go, I want you to understand a few things. First, that light you are holding will last about an hour before it peters out. When it does, you will find yourself sitting here in the dark again. You’ve seen how small this plateau is, but it is also very high up. You won’t be able to climb down from here, but even if you did, the creatures lurking in the darkness below would make quick work of you. As long as you remain up here, you will be safe from them.
“Second, I would keep quiet if I were you. You see, there are other creatures in this place that fly. Those creatures hunt by sound. There aren’t very many of them in this place, but they always come to investigate loud noises. There isn’t much fresh meat in this world, so you are a rather tasty looking meat snack. Those creatures, though, are allergic to light of any kind. So I will give you two more of these glowsticks. Don’t use them up too soon though, because they only last an hour!
“Finally, don’t think that anyone will be able to find you here. I have chosen this place very carefully. You will be alone with your thoughts and the creatures of this place, until I return for you. So think long and hard, Doctor, about the information you give me about this child and any other damn projects you neglected to keep notes about. If I don’t get the complete story from you when I come back, I will leave you here to die.”
He was looking more and more shocked as my speech went on, he looked to be on the verge of tears as he blurted out, “Why are you doing this, Rusty? I...I...I’ll tell you the truth now! Don’t do this to me! I can’t die in this place!”
“Why? I’ll leave it to you to figure that out, Doctor. Here.” I held out the two still wrapped glowsticks for him to take.
He was still in shock and disbelief at this point, so he just looked from my hand to my face and back to my hand again, but didn’t reach for them.
“Fine” I said as I dropped the two glowsticks to the plateau surface and gathered the nearest Shadows around myself and transported myself to another nearby plateau, far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to see or hear me, but where I could keep an easy eye on him.
Time to sit back and enjoy the show...
Sunday, October 23, 2005
More Than He Bargained For...
“OK...What kind of help are you looking for?”
He paused...”Well, I like Canada and all, but I really don’t like the cold enough to want to make a new life here. But worse than that is now that the Director has found me again, he’s going to demand I join with him again. If I don’t, I won’t be safe for long, even here. I will give you more information on him and his various pet projects, ones we didn’t keep records of, if you can find a way to get me out of here and make me disappear so that He can’t find me again.”
I smiled to myself and said, “All you had to do was ask, Dr. Bernstein. I think I can help you out sooner than you might think. Where are you right now?”
He hesitated for a moment, “Well, this is a pay phone near the Casino in Windsor, but obviously I don’t expect you be able to help me out this second. In fact, I was planning on meeting with the Director’s representative. I think I can stall him for a couple of days if I need to. So if you can arrange for someone to meet me at the Tunnel or the Bridge to Detroit and get me into some sort of protective custody in the next day or so...”
“Don’t worry Doctor, I shall be in contact with you very soon. By the way, are you on riverfront side of the Casino, or the land side?”
“Riverside actually, I can see the skyline of Detroit right from the phone here. So, should I come back to this phone at any time? I would really appreciate it if you can arrange something fairly soon!”
“Yes, I am sure you would. Let me contact you here at this number again in an hour.”
“Really? Wow, Rusty that would be great! I’ll be here then!”
“Good” I hung up on him. I thought to myself, ‘Ask and you shall receive, Dr. Geek.’
I put the phone down and hurried to take care of a few errands. It was going to be a busy night...
***
I sat deep within the shadows between the dumpster and the nearby building. I reached for my cell phone, flicked it open and selected the second to last number called, the one that Dr. Geek would be looking to answer in the next couple of minutes.
The area just beyond the shadow where I crouched was busy wtih people enjoying the warm August evening air. They paid no attention to the dumpster, if anything the smell wafting from it must have been fairly bad, because folks seemed to drift closer to the other side of the sidewalk as they passed by.
I activated the button that would call the number. The pay phone about twenty feet away began to ring. One figure from the bustling crowd edged toward the the ringing phone, looking around as he did so, as if to spot anyone who might be watching for him. After three rings, he moved to pick up the handset.
“Hello?” It was Dr. Geek.
I hung up when I knew it was him. Instead I sprung from the shadow in which I had been crouching and pushed my way through the startled couple who were passing my spot, oblivious to my presence previously. I could see that the good doctor was still trying to talk into the phone as I came up behind him.
“Damn,” he muttered as he hung the handset back up and started to turn around. “Wha....”
He never finished that thought before my carefully aimed punch to the solar plexis knocked all of the wind out of him. He doubled over in excruciating pain.
I heard voices behind me start to yell as they realized that a fellow patron was being assaulted right out in the open. This sort of thing didn’t happen all that much on this side of the Detroit River. “Hey, what are you doing?”... “Did you see that?”... “Is he hurting that man?”... were typical of the reactions.
Instead of enlightening those folks to the kind of man this ‘doctor’ really was, I quickly scooped the stunned man over my shoulder and bounded from the sidewalk towards the shadowy areas of the trees of the riverfront park that Windsor was famous for.
By the time any local Windsor cops could respond to the gasps and cries for help from the stunned crowd, I had found a nice patch of darkness and opened a rift between worlds to step through with my cargo.
He wanted to ‘disappear’, so I figured I would make that happen much sooner than he might have realized was possible. Perhaps he would regret his request, but I’ll let you good folks be the judge of that...
He paused...”Well, I like Canada and all, but I really don’t like the cold enough to want to make a new life here. But worse than that is now that the Director has found me again, he’s going to demand I join with him again. If I don’t, I won’t be safe for long, even here. I will give you more information on him and his various pet projects, ones we didn’t keep records of, if you can find a way to get me out of here and make me disappear so that He can’t find me again.”
I smiled to myself and said, “All you had to do was ask, Dr. Bernstein. I think I can help you out sooner than you might think. Where are you right now?”
He hesitated for a moment, “Well, this is a pay phone near the Casino in Windsor, but obviously I don’t expect you be able to help me out this second. In fact, I was planning on meeting with the Director’s representative. I think I can stall him for a couple of days if I need to. So if you can arrange for someone to meet me at the Tunnel or the Bridge to Detroit and get me into some sort of protective custody in the next day or so...”
“Don’t worry Doctor, I shall be in contact with you very soon. By the way, are you on riverfront side of the Casino, or the land side?”
“Riverside actually, I can see the skyline of Detroit right from the phone here. So, should I come back to this phone at any time? I would really appreciate it if you can arrange something fairly soon!”
“Yes, I am sure you would. Let me contact you here at this number again in an hour.”
“Really? Wow, Rusty that would be great! I’ll be here then!”
“Good” I hung up on him. I thought to myself, ‘Ask and you shall receive, Dr. Geek.’
I put the phone down and hurried to take care of a few errands. It was going to be a busy night...
***
I sat deep within the shadows between the dumpster and the nearby building. I reached for my cell phone, flicked it open and selected the second to last number called, the one that Dr. Geek would be looking to answer in the next couple of minutes.
The area just beyond the shadow where I crouched was busy wtih people enjoying the warm August evening air. They paid no attention to the dumpster, if anything the smell wafting from it must have been fairly bad, because folks seemed to drift closer to the other side of the sidewalk as they passed by.
I activated the button that would call the number. The pay phone about twenty feet away began to ring. One figure from the bustling crowd edged toward the the ringing phone, looking around as he did so, as if to spot anyone who might be watching for him. After three rings, he moved to pick up the handset.
“Hello?” It was Dr. Geek.
I hung up when I knew it was him. Instead I sprung from the shadow in which I had been crouching and pushed my way through the startled couple who were passing my spot, oblivious to my presence previously. I could see that the good doctor was still trying to talk into the phone as I came up behind him.
“Damn,” he muttered as he hung the handset back up and started to turn around. “Wha....”
He never finished that thought before my carefully aimed punch to the solar plexis knocked all of the wind out of him. He doubled over in excruciating pain.
I heard voices behind me start to yell as they realized that a fellow patron was being assaulted right out in the open. This sort of thing didn’t happen all that much on this side of the Detroit River. “Hey, what are you doing?”... “Did you see that?”... “Is he hurting that man?”... were typical of the reactions.
Instead of enlightening those folks to the kind of man this ‘doctor’ really was, I quickly scooped the stunned man over my shoulder and bounded from the sidewalk towards the shadowy areas of the trees of the riverfront park that Windsor was famous for.
By the time any local Windsor cops could respond to the gasps and cries for help from the stunned crowd, I had found a nice patch of darkness and opened a rift between worlds to step through with my cargo.
He wanted to ‘disappear’, so I figured I would make that happen much sooner than he might have realized was possible. Perhaps he would regret his request, but I’ll let you good folks be the judge of that...
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Paging Dr. Geek, You Have a Call...
It was 8:45 before I called the number. I didn’t want to risk not getting through, but I wanted to make his ass wait a little bit, too...a little gamesmanship.
The phone rang three times before it was answered.
He spoke first. “Hello, who’s calling please?” He was trying to sound nonchalant, but there was strain in his voice...he was a little too eager and it showed.
“You know who this is.”
His voice perked up a little bit. I could hear noises in the background, traffic noises. “Rusty, I’m so glad you’ve called. I was beginning to worry that you hadn’t gotten my message.”
“What do you want, Bernstein? I thought I was done with you when we left you in Canada to start a new life.”
“Yes, well, I am still in Canada, but there are some things I need to discuss with you. Such as your new baby daughter. And how you can save her life, of course there is a price to the information I have.”
“Before this goes any further Bernstein, you’ve got some convincing to do before I can believe that I have any newborn child out there. In case you haven’t noticed, asshole, I’m not exactly equipped for THAT job anymore.”
He hesitated for just a moment, like he was trying to gather his thoughts before he spoke again. He stuttered a bit as he began. “Well...um..Let me begin by saying that not all of our experiments with you and other test subjects...”
“You mean my fellow officers, don’t you Doctor?”
“Yes...of course. Like I was saying, not all of our experiments on you and the other officers were recorded in our notes. Director Kampmann had me conduct some off-record tests and to take samples of each officer’s...DNA...through blood and semen samples taken during the preparation of your bodies for your...uh...current assignments.”
“How did you get any semen from me, Dr. Geek, I had been fixed for over ten years before I died?”
“Well...you know that a vasectomy only prevents semen from escaping the body during intercourse, your body still produced plenty of fertile sperm, it just didn’t have an avenue of escape...until I....uh...”
“Until you cut me up like a prime hog in a butcher shop, asshole.”
“Yes. I could certainly see how you think of it in those terms.”
“OK, so say you did recover some fertile sperm from my carcass, how the Hell does that translate into my having a child now?”
He hesitated again. Cleared his throat, and spoke again, “Yes, well, those samples of semen and blood were used in some off-site experiments in cloning, gene therapy research, and in genetic modification. Eventually, some of those sperm samples were implanted via in vitro fertilization. One such sample of yours was implanted shortly before we located you in Las Vegas. That sample took and has been carried to full term, resulting in a baby girl who is your genetic offspring. You are her biological father.”
“You sick, sick bastard. Why should I give a fuck about this child, whoever the Hell she really is?”
“Well, first of all, because I know you are not the heartless monster you like to portray yourself as. Now that you know you have a child, I know that you will do the right thing. She is in grave danger right now, and you are probably the only one who can truly save her.”
“Alright asshole, I’ll play along for the moment, what danger is she in?”
“She is in danger in a number of ways. Physically, she is in a very precarious position that could very easily prove fatal if you don’t act quickly and decisively. If she survives the immediate danger though, she’s in peril from the Director. He will stop at nothing at locating her and using her against you.”
“How is it that you know where this baby is and Drake doesn’t?”
“Well, as I mentioned, the mother was impregnated shortly before I encountered you in Las Vegas, and after that, I was, shall we say, indisposed for a period of time. Before I had a chance to get in contact with the Director again, the organization was significantly degraded. I have been granted asylum and a new identity here in Canada, but just yesterday the Director made contact with me. He has set up a meeting for me with one of his representatives in three hours here. He expects me to provide him with the details of certain...projects...that may remain open, including your daughter.”
“Shit. So why did you contact me? Why not just give him the child and the goods on your other cursed projects?”
“Because I don’t particularly want to resume my former employment and I think you can help me avoid that. So, is saving an innocent young girls life, your daughters life, worth helping me, an old adversary?”
The phone rang three times before it was answered.
He spoke first. “Hello, who’s calling please?” He was trying to sound nonchalant, but there was strain in his voice...he was a little too eager and it showed.
“You know who this is.”
His voice perked up a little bit. I could hear noises in the background, traffic noises. “Rusty, I’m so glad you’ve called. I was beginning to worry that you hadn’t gotten my message.”
“What do you want, Bernstein? I thought I was done with you when we left you in Canada to start a new life.”
“Yes, well, I am still in Canada, but there are some things I need to discuss with you. Such as your new baby daughter. And how you can save her life, of course there is a price to the information I have.”
“Before this goes any further Bernstein, you’ve got some convincing to do before I can believe that I have any newborn child out there. In case you haven’t noticed, asshole, I’m not exactly equipped for THAT job anymore.”
He hesitated for just a moment, like he was trying to gather his thoughts before he spoke again. He stuttered a bit as he began. “Well...um..Let me begin by saying that not all of our experiments with you and other test subjects...”
“You mean my fellow officers, don’t you Doctor?”
“Yes...of course. Like I was saying, not all of our experiments on you and the other officers were recorded in our notes. Director Kampmann had me conduct some off-record tests and to take samples of each officer’s...DNA...through blood and semen samples taken during the preparation of your bodies for your...uh...current assignments.”
“How did you get any semen from me, Dr. Geek, I had been fixed for over ten years before I died?”
“Well...you know that a vasectomy only prevents semen from escaping the body during intercourse, your body still produced plenty of fertile sperm, it just didn’t have an avenue of escape...until I....uh...”
“Until you cut me up like a prime hog in a butcher shop, asshole.”
“Yes. I could certainly see how you think of it in those terms.”
“OK, so say you did recover some fertile sperm from my carcass, how the Hell does that translate into my having a child now?”
He hesitated again. Cleared his throat, and spoke again, “Yes, well, those samples of semen and blood were used in some off-site experiments in cloning, gene therapy research, and in genetic modification. Eventually, some of those sperm samples were implanted via in vitro fertilization. One such sample of yours was implanted shortly before we located you in Las Vegas. That sample took and has been carried to full term, resulting in a baby girl who is your genetic offspring. You are her biological father.”
“You sick, sick bastard. Why should I give a fuck about this child, whoever the Hell she really is?”
“Well, first of all, because I know you are not the heartless monster you like to portray yourself as. Now that you know you have a child, I know that you will do the right thing. She is in grave danger right now, and you are probably the only one who can truly save her.”
“Alright asshole, I’ll play along for the moment, what danger is she in?”
“She is in danger in a number of ways. Physically, she is in a very precarious position that could very easily prove fatal if you don’t act quickly and decisively. If she survives the immediate danger though, she’s in peril from the Director. He will stop at nothing at locating her and using her against you.”
“How is it that you know where this baby is and Drake doesn’t?”
“Well, as I mentioned, the mother was impregnated shortly before I encountered you in Las Vegas, and after that, I was, shall we say, indisposed for a period of time. Before I had a chance to get in contact with the Director again, the organization was significantly degraded. I have been granted asylum and a new identity here in Canada, but just yesterday the Director made contact with me. He has set up a meeting for me with one of his representatives in three hours here. He expects me to provide him with the details of certain...projects...that may remain open, including your daughter.”
“Shit. So why did you contact me? Why not just give him the child and the goods on your other cursed projects?”
“Because I don’t particularly want to resume my former employment and I think you can help me avoid that. So, is saving an innocent young girls life, your daughters life, worth helping me, an old adversary?”
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
A Cryptic Message
So, where were we?
Ah yes, I was just about to arrange for a trip to go see Ravyn and visit my daughter there when I received a very cryptic e-mail, reproduced here in its strange entirety:
“RB-
Another experiment involving you has come to fruition, something not revealed by the data you captured previously.
Congratulations on your new baby girl.
If you wish to know the whereabouts of your daughter, contact me by phone at (519) 555-6859 between 8 and 9 PM tonight. If you don’t follow through, she will either be dead soon, or fall into HIS hands, and I don’t think you want that to happen.
If you help me, I will help you.
-DB”
Now, my very first reaction to reading this e-mail was to get ready to delete the damn thing. My new baby girl? How the fuck was that even possible? It had been nearly two years since I had died, and besides that, I had been snipped many years before my death....so the possibility of having fathered a child anytime in the last year was pretty much out of the damn question.
But before I deleted it, I sat down and thought about things for a moment. Something about the number seemed familiar to me? What was that?
Well, as someone who had grown up in Michigan near the border with Ontario, Canada, I recognized that the area code was an Ontario code.
But who would be leaving a message like that from Canada...and how would they know anything about what had happened to me? And who used the initials of ‘DB’?
Then it came to me...Dr. Geek, his true last name was Bernstein, and the last I had seen of him, we had left his ass outside of Vancouver, Canada in one of those transport rooms that Drake had placed all over the place.
But why would he help me, and what possible help could I give him?
Damn, only one way to find out...
Ah yes, I was just about to arrange for a trip to go see Ravyn and visit my daughter there when I received a very cryptic e-mail, reproduced here in its strange entirety:
“RB-
Another experiment involving you has come to fruition, something not revealed by the data you captured previously.
Congratulations on your new baby girl.
If you wish to know the whereabouts of your daughter, contact me by phone at (519) 555-6859 between 8 and 9 PM tonight. If you don’t follow through, she will either be dead soon, or fall into HIS hands, and I don’t think you want that to happen.
If you help me, I will help you.
-DB”
Now, my very first reaction to reading this e-mail was to get ready to delete the damn thing. My new baby girl? How the fuck was that even possible? It had been nearly two years since I had died, and besides that, I had been snipped many years before my death....so the possibility of having fathered a child anytime in the last year was pretty much out of the damn question.
But before I deleted it, I sat down and thought about things for a moment. Something about the number seemed familiar to me? What was that?
Well, as someone who had grown up in Michigan near the border with Ontario, Canada, I recognized that the area code was an Ontario code.
But who would be leaving a message like that from Canada...and how would they know anything about what had happened to me? And who used the initials of ‘DB’?
Then it came to me...Dr. Geek, his true last name was Bernstein, and the last I had seen of him, we had left his ass outside of Vancouver, Canada in one of those transport rooms that Drake had placed all over the place.
But why would he help me, and what possible help could I give him?
Damn, only one way to find out...
Monday, October 17, 2005
The Mysteries of the...Onion-verse-Part 3
Some few days of constant contemplation later, Merlin actually sought me out.
This time, I was sitting on a rock near a small stream that emptied into a small, clear pool populated by curious, colorful koi-like fish. I looked up as he shuffled up to me.
“So, what has the onion taught you of the nature of the Universe?”
Marshalling all of the dignity I could, I sat up straighter and held the now worn looking root bulb in my left hand. “Well, the most obvious lesson is that the layers of the onion represent different layers of existence, worlds or places that are in many ways similar to each other, but with subtle differences.”
He nodded, “What else have you learned in these many days?”
“I have learned that each layer is unique, but that each layer is dependent on the other layers to provide support and substance to it, since each layer on it’s own is incomplete. there is an interdependence that is not immediately obvious, since each layer is whole in and of itself. I believe this represents that while each world is complete and whole on it’s surface, that the other worlds provide depth and substance to each other, supporting the worlds on either side of it, and in turn benefitting from the same kind of support.
“Looking at each layer of the onion as a world, I can see how the world above would seem lighter, higher, mysterious, a source of infinite knowledge and wisdom, while the worlds below might be seen as sources of darkness, fear, and of lesser importance.
“In terms of travelling between these worlds, I have seen personally how it can be done, and how these worlds are bridged at certain defined points, probably represented by the millions of tiny places where one layer of an onion comes into contact with the layers above and beneath.
“I have also learned the answer to my original question-why are there so many worlds? Because one world would collapse without the substance and support provided by the others. So how did I do?”
He pursed his lips in thought, kicked a small stone into the pool, startling the koi who had been watching us intently, and nodded. “Good enough for a beginner. Perhpas you have potential after all. We shall see.” He started to turn away.
“Master?”
He stopped, “Yes?”
“I do have one question, however, about this stuff with the onion.”
“Only one?” His left eyebrow shot up as he spoke.
“Well, one for now. How does all of this with the example of the onion and the ‘world’ tie in with our modern knowledge that the Earth is but one planet in one small solar system in one small galaxy...I mean if the Earth is represented by the layers of the onion and consists of so many different realities, I just don’t see how it all fits together...”
He threw his head back in peals of cackling laughter, slapping at his thighs with his hands until he nearly collapsed for lack of breath. After he regained his composure, he reached for the onion. I gave it to him.
“You think you have this all puzzled out my dear pupil, that this onion actually represents the planet Earth eh? How amusing. How typically...human...to think that our home planet is of such importance in this great vast Universe...No, son, the layers of the onion don’t merely represent our little planet, but instead one layer would encompass every planet, every star, every galaxy and all of that vast emptiness in between them.
“I have read of this Big bang that your modern scientists have talked about. If only they knew how close they were, and how just as the Universe they observe keeps expanding, the other layers that remain unseen with their instruments grow right along with it. If only your ‘scientists’ had the tools to look beyond their own layer-but then that ability is not so common anymore, and the desire is even less so.”
He handed the onion back to me. “You keep this boy, you have much left to contemplate with it. But you show promise. Tomorrow we shall see if you have what it takes to bridge the gap between worlds safely.”
With that conclusion, my true lessons with the Merlin began....but I have bored you enough already with my studies for now.
My next entry shall begin the tale of how I answered a call for help from an old enemy and how I became a father yet again....and we shall perhaps see if Ravyn ever gets that light orb she so desperately covets!
This time, I was sitting on a rock near a small stream that emptied into a small, clear pool populated by curious, colorful koi-like fish. I looked up as he shuffled up to me.
“So, what has the onion taught you of the nature of the Universe?”
Marshalling all of the dignity I could, I sat up straighter and held the now worn looking root bulb in my left hand. “Well, the most obvious lesson is that the layers of the onion represent different layers of existence, worlds or places that are in many ways similar to each other, but with subtle differences.”
He nodded, “What else have you learned in these many days?”
“I have learned that each layer is unique, but that each layer is dependent on the other layers to provide support and substance to it, since each layer on it’s own is incomplete. there is an interdependence that is not immediately obvious, since each layer is whole in and of itself. I believe this represents that while each world is complete and whole on it’s surface, that the other worlds provide depth and substance to each other, supporting the worlds on either side of it, and in turn benefitting from the same kind of support.
“Looking at each layer of the onion as a world, I can see how the world above would seem lighter, higher, mysterious, a source of infinite knowledge and wisdom, while the worlds below might be seen as sources of darkness, fear, and of lesser importance.
“In terms of travelling between these worlds, I have seen personally how it can be done, and how these worlds are bridged at certain defined points, probably represented by the millions of tiny places where one layer of an onion comes into contact with the layers above and beneath.
“I have also learned the answer to my original question-why are there so many worlds? Because one world would collapse without the substance and support provided by the others. So how did I do?”
He pursed his lips in thought, kicked a small stone into the pool, startling the koi who had been watching us intently, and nodded. “Good enough for a beginner. Perhpas you have potential after all. We shall see.” He started to turn away.
“Master?”
He stopped, “Yes?”
“I do have one question, however, about this stuff with the onion.”
“Only one?” His left eyebrow shot up as he spoke.
“Well, one for now. How does all of this with the example of the onion and the ‘world’ tie in with our modern knowledge that the Earth is but one planet in one small solar system in one small galaxy...I mean if the Earth is represented by the layers of the onion and consists of so many different realities, I just don’t see how it all fits together...”
He threw his head back in peals of cackling laughter, slapping at his thighs with his hands until he nearly collapsed for lack of breath. After he regained his composure, he reached for the onion. I gave it to him.
“You think you have this all puzzled out my dear pupil, that this onion actually represents the planet Earth eh? How amusing. How typically...human...to think that our home planet is of such importance in this great vast Universe...No, son, the layers of the onion don’t merely represent our little planet, but instead one layer would encompass every planet, every star, every galaxy and all of that vast emptiness in between them.
“I have read of this Big bang that your modern scientists have talked about. If only they knew how close they were, and how just as the Universe they observe keeps expanding, the other layers that remain unseen with their instruments grow right along with it. If only your ‘scientists’ had the tools to look beyond their own layer-but then that ability is not so common anymore, and the desire is even less so.”
He handed the onion back to me. “You keep this boy, you have much left to contemplate with it. But you show promise. Tomorrow we shall see if you have what it takes to bridge the gap between worlds safely.”
With that conclusion, my true lessons with the Merlin began....but I have bored you enough already with my studies for now.
My next entry shall begin the tale of how I answered a call for help from an old enemy and how I became a father yet again....and we shall perhaps see if Ravyn ever gets that light orb she so desperately covets!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
The Mysteries of the...Onion-verse-Part 2
The next ‘day’ (since there was no setting and rising Sun, I had to go by the old coot’s reckoning--which knowing him, was rather variable, depending on his cranky moods), I was sitting under a mango tree, staring at the onion in my hands when Zulu came up to me.
“Ah yes, the onion lecture eh?”
“I don’t know if I would call it a lecture, he threw this thing at me when I asked a question and told me to go and study it.”
Zulu laughed, “That’s about as close to a lecture as you will get from Merlin. He’s not a real believer in imparting knowledge directly to others. He, and other Druids as well, believe that no lesson is truly learned until you experience it personally. So you will find his methods a little...unorthodox.”
“You mean like chaining my ass to a rock for a few weeks?”
“Yeah, that’s a fairly typical Merlin lesson.”
“OK then, let’s play his game again for the moment. I know onions are made of many layers, and I suppose he wants me to see that this somehow relates to the different worlds I asked him about, each layer perhps representing a world of some sort.”
“Yes, that’s a beginning. But a child could point that much out.”
“Oh really? What the Hell else is there to see about a damn onion?”
“There are as many lessons to be found in that onion as there are layers to peel back. It really is one of his most effective lessons.”
“I take it you have had this lesson as well?”
“Oh yes, that’s why I am so familiar with the feelings you are having about it right now, as well as with his method of teaching.”
“How long ago did you study under Merlin?”
Zulu looked around briefly, and took off his suit coat jacket and used it like a blanket to sit down on the mango-strewn ground without getting his trousers dirty. As usual, he was dressed as if he just emerged from Senate sub-committee meeting, wearing a very expensive looking three piece suit with a red power tie and stiffly starched shirt and sharp, expensive looking shoes shined to a high polish. Once he was settled, he reached his hand out for the onion.
I gave it to him, glad to have it out of my hands for the first time in over a day.
“I came here for the first time maybe 20 years ago. I didn’t last very long that time though. I was very quickly put off by his bizarre teaching methods and his seeming lack of patience. I had thought I was ready for him, and I had been warned before I came to see him that he was rather eccentric. But my ego was far too big at that time, I left him after being tossed the onion and left to my own devices for three days and nights.”
“So this lesson was the one that drove you away?”
“Indeed. You see, I came here very full of myself. Once I discovered that the this incredible talent for magick was what was causing me so much trouble with my own faith and in my life, I secretly set about finding the best teachers of magick that were available. Within a few years of hard study, I had come into my own as a more than passable Mage. I had mastered more than a few skills with the Elements, but had found my true talents lay in manipulating other peoples’ emotions and even their unconscious thoughts...”
“No wonder you’re a damn politician.”
He laughed at that. “Yes, it does suit me all too well, which is of course why I was hoodwinked into coming to see Merlin, much as I had to manipulate you into coming here. You see, other Mages didn’t like the fact that I was such a well known politician already and had just discovered how well my magickal talents could tie in to my all too public career. There was more than a little concern on their part that I would fall to temptation and try to grab for more political power than is wise for one of our kind.”
“So you were actually forced to come see Merlin?”
“Well, yes and no. I was approached by someone I rather trusted who offered to take me to see a teacher of great renown who would offer me lessons I couldn’t get anywhere else. I was trapped by my own thirst for knowledge. I agreed to come along, but this was the first time I had travelled outside our world as well, and like you, I was taken by a way that I had no way of replicating, so once I got here I was trapped for a time myself.”
“But didn’t you say that you left on your own during your first lesson? How did you do that if you didn’t know how to travel between worlds yet?”
“I have always been a remarkably quick student. Once I had discovered that such travel was possible, and once I was forced by Merlin to study that darn onion for three days and nights, I figured out how to open my own pathway between worlds, and decided in my own ill-advised haste that I had learned all he was going to teach me at that point.”
“So you went back home?”
Zulu threw his head back laughing at that notion. “Oh no. Just because I had figured out how to open up a portal between worlds didn’t mean that I actually knew what I was doing or how to get back home. No, I travelled mostly at random from one world to the next until I got myself good and lost. I actually ended up in a place that fit the closest descriptions of Hell that the Good Book described and found myself unable to leave. It was only some time later when I had given up all hope that I could ever get back home that the old fella toddled up to me in my rather unpleasant captivity and handed me another onion and asked if I was ready to resume our lessons. Needless to say, I readily agreed and returned with him back here to resume my studies.”
“You mean you actually found Hell?”
“Well, let’s just say it was a very warm place inhabited by some very scary creatures who weren’t of a very kind disposition and were more than happy to make me feel like I was in Hell, but no it was not the Biblical Hell as such, although I certainly think it could have been an inspiration for it.”
As he finished up his narrative, he looked at the onion again closely, sighed almost fondly and said, “You know, I have never looked at an onion the same way since.” He then tossed it back to me.
“I would guess not. But I still don’t see how there can be that many damn lessons to be learned from this thing.”
“Then you haven’t studied it long enough...”
“Ah yes, the onion lecture eh?”
“I don’t know if I would call it a lecture, he threw this thing at me when I asked a question and told me to go and study it.”
Zulu laughed, “That’s about as close to a lecture as you will get from Merlin. He’s not a real believer in imparting knowledge directly to others. He, and other Druids as well, believe that no lesson is truly learned until you experience it personally. So you will find his methods a little...unorthodox.”
“You mean like chaining my ass to a rock for a few weeks?”
“Yeah, that’s a fairly typical Merlin lesson.”
“OK then, let’s play his game again for the moment. I know onions are made of many layers, and I suppose he wants me to see that this somehow relates to the different worlds I asked him about, each layer perhps representing a world of some sort.”
“Yes, that’s a beginning. But a child could point that much out.”
“Oh really? What the Hell else is there to see about a damn onion?”
“There are as many lessons to be found in that onion as there are layers to peel back. It really is one of his most effective lessons.”
“I take it you have had this lesson as well?”
“Oh yes, that’s why I am so familiar with the feelings you are having about it right now, as well as with his method of teaching.”
“How long ago did you study under Merlin?”
Zulu looked around briefly, and took off his suit coat jacket and used it like a blanket to sit down on the mango-strewn ground without getting his trousers dirty. As usual, he was dressed as if he just emerged from Senate sub-committee meeting, wearing a very expensive looking three piece suit with a red power tie and stiffly starched shirt and sharp, expensive looking shoes shined to a high polish. Once he was settled, he reached his hand out for the onion.
I gave it to him, glad to have it out of my hands for the first time in over a day.
“I came here for the first time maybe 20 years ago. I didn’t last very long that time though. I was very quickly put off by his bizarre teaching methods and his seeming lack of patience. I had thought I was ready for him, and I had been warned before I came to see him that he was rather eccentric. But my ego was far too big at that time, I left him after being tossed the onion and left to my own devices for three days and nights.”
“So this lesson was the one that drove you away?”
“Indeed. You see, I came here very full of myself. Once I discovered that the this incredible talent for magick was what was causing me so much trouble with my own faith and in my life, I secretly set about finding the best teachers of magick that were available. Within a few years of hard study, I had come into my own as a more than passable Mage. I had mastered more than a few skills with the Elements, but had found my true talents lay in manipulating other peoples’ emotions and even their unconscious thoughts...”
“No wonder you’re a damn politician.”
He laughed at that. “Yes, it does suit me all too well, which is of course why I was hoodwinked into coming to see Merlin, much as I had to manipulate you into coming here. You see, other Mages didn’t like the fact that I was such a well known politician already and had just discovered how well my magickal talents could tie in to my all too public career. There was more than a little concern on their part that I would fall to temptation and try to grab for more political power than is wise for one of our kind.”
“So you were actually forced to come see Merlin?”
“Well, yes and no. I was approached by someone I rather trusted who offered to take me to see a teacher of great renown who would offer me lessons I couldn’t get anywhere else. I was trapped by my own thirst for knowledge. I agreed to come along, but this was the first time I had travelled outside our world as well, and like you, I was taken by a way that I had no way of replicating, so once I got here I was trapped for a time myself.”
“But didn’t you say that you left on your own during your first lesson? How did you do that if you didn’t know how to travel between worlds yet?”
“I have always been a remarkably quick student. Once I had discovered that such travel was possible, and once I was forced by Merlin to study that darn onion for three days and nights, I figured out how to open my own pathway between worlds, and decided in my own ill-advised haste that I had learned all he was going to teach me at that point.”
“So you went back home?”
Zulu threw his head back laughing at that notion. “Oh no. Just because I had figured out how to open up a portal between worlds didn’t mean that I actually knew what I was doing or how to get back home. No, I travelled mostly at random from one world to the next until I got myself good and lost. I actually ended up in a place that fit the closest descriptions of Hell that the Good Book described and found myself unable to leave. It was only some time later when I had given up all hope that I could ever get back home that the old fella toddled up to me in my rather unpleasant captivity and handed me another onion and asked if I was ready to resume our lessons. Needless to say, I readily agreed and returned with him back here to resume my studies.”
“You mean you actually found Hell?”
“Well, let’s just say it was a very warm place inhabited by some very scary creatures who weren’t of a very kind disposition and were more than happy to make me feel like I was in Hell, but no it was not the Biblical Hell as such, although I certainly think it could have been an inspiration for it.”
As he finished up his narrative, he looked at the onion again closely, sighed almost fondly and said, “You know, I have never looked at an onion the same way since.” He then tossed it back to me.
“I would guess not. But I still don’t see how there can be that many damn lessons to be learned from this thing.”
“Then you haven’t studied it long enough...”
Friday, October 14, 2005
The Mysteries of the...Onion-verse-Part 1
(The following is an account of just one of the many lessons I learned as a student of Merlin. This lesson was particularly important, as well as particularly strange, so I feel it is a good place to start the next adventure...)
Merlin’s home was a series of vast caverns, each one unique in its own bizarre way, each home to more mysteries than I shall ever be able to explain here. Shortly after I had found my Key and released myself from the chains that had bound me to that damnable rock, I found myself strolling with the old coot in one the larger caverns. He seemed to favor this one more than most because of the bright, almost Sun-like light that allowed the place to be full of green grass, flowering bushes and trees, and a bewildering array of birds, rodents and even larger animals like small deer.
We were walking along a path that meandered through a particularly thick part of the ‘forest’. We had been walking in silence, something Merlin seemed to prefer over small talk, until I blurted out a question that had been gnawing at me for almost as long as I have been aware of the existence of ‘other worlds’...since John Red Bear had first talked about the Three Worlds of Spirit.
“Merlin, how can there be so many different damned worlds?”
He stopped, turned to face me, and replied with a question of his own, “How can there not be?”
“Huh?”
“How can there not be so many different worlds?”
“Well,...uh...I would think one would be enough...”
“Do you now? So you think there should just be the one world that all of us should be born into, and die in eh?”
“Yeah, why not? It would be so much simpler to understand everything.”
“And just why should everything be simple for you? Must everything be understood?”
“Dammit old man, things should be a Hell of a lot easier to understand! How the Hell can there be a world in which we live and breathe, and then have three different Spirit Worlds for Spirits to go back and forth from, and then for there to be places like this strange-assed place and that’s not to mention Zulu’s freaky-assed Fun House Mirror World? Then there was this weird Void like place I was at when Ma Grendel and I were killed by that blade...damn I can’t keep track of all of these damn places!!! How do you make sense of any of it?”
The old coot cracked a smile at my exasperated expression, and then used his walking stick to prod me to move aside. “Ah yes, now that, my boy, is a good question. But before I answer that, I’ll ask you to kindly step out of my little garden here.”
As I moved aside for him, I looked down to see a small patch of dark loamy earth which was now marked by some boot marks. There were several rows of neatly ordered garden vegetables lined up. I could’ve sworn there was only a path through the woods here before.
The old guy got down onto his knees and fussed with a couple of tomato plants that I had apparently damaged, and then after clucking his tongue, he reach over to a row of mounded earth with some green stalks growing up from each little mound in the row. He dug his hands deftly into the dark earth and came up a large, round onion. Using a small knife he quickly removed the green stalks at the top, and the little pointy root at the bottom, leaving a nice, full onion which he tossed over his shoulder to me without looking back.
Still puttering about with some of the other plants, he looked back briefly at me and said, “Study that onion. It is a fine specimen.”
“Study an onion? What the f...why?”
“In that root, you shall find many clues to the mysteries of the Universe.”
“How am I going to learn more about the Universe by studying an onion?”
He snorted as he looked back at his garden. “Another good question, so go study it and see if you can come up with an equally good answer.”
Merlin’s home was a series of vast caverns, each one unique in its own bizarre way, each home to more mysteries than I shall ever be able to explain here. Shortly after I had found my Key and released myself from the chains that had bound me to that damnable rock, I found myself strolling with the old coot in one the larger caverns. He seemed to favor this one more than most because of the bright, almost Sun-like light that allowed the place to be full of green grass, flowering bushes and trees, and a bewildering array of birds, rodents and even larger animals like small deer.
We were walking along a path that meandered through a particularly thick part of the ‘forest’. We had been walking in silence, something Merlin seemed to prefer over small talk, until I blurted out a question that had been gnawing at me for almost as long as I have been aware of the existence of ‘other worlds’...since John Red Bear had first talked about the Three Worlds of Spirit.
“Merlin, how can there be so many different damned worlds?”
He stopped, turned to face me, and replied with a question of his own, “How can there not be?”
“Huh?”
“How can there not be so many different worlds?”
“Well,...uh...I would think one would be enough...”
“Do you now? So you think there should just be the one world that all of us should be born into, and die in eh?”
“Yeah, why not? It would be so much simpler to understand everything.”
“And just why should everything be simple for you? Must everything be understood?”
“Dammit old man, things should be a Hell of a lot easier to understand! How the Hell can there be a world in which we live and breathe, and then have three different Spirit Worlds for Spirits to go back and forth from, and then for there to be places like this strange-assed place and that’s not to mention Zulu’s freaky-assed Fun House Mirror World? Then there was this weird Void like place I was at when Ma Grendel and I were killed by that blade...damn I can’t keep track of all of these damn places!!! How do you make sense of any of it?”
The old coot cracked a smile at my exasperated expression, and then used his walking stick to prod me to move aside. “Ah yes, now that, my boy, is a good question. But before I answer that, I’ll ask you to kindly step out of my little garden here.”
As I moved aside for him, I looked down to see a small patch of dark loamy earth which was now marked by some boot marks. There were several rows of neatly ordered garden vegetables lined up. I could’ve sworn there was only a path through the woods here before.
The old guy got down onto his knees and fussed with a couple of tomato plants that I had apparently damaged, and then after clucking his tongue, he reach over to a row of mounded earth with some green stalks growing up from each little mound in the row. He dug his hands deftly into the dark earth and came up a large, round onion. Using a small knife he quickly removed the green stalks at the top, and the little pointy root at the bottom, leaving a nice, full onion which he tossed over his shoulder to me without looking back.
Still puttering about with some of the other plants, he looked back briefly at me and said, “Study that onion. It is a fine specimen.”
“Study an onion? What the f...why?”
“In that root, you shall find many clues to the mysteries of the Universe.”
“How am I going to learn more about the Universe by studying an onion?”
He snorted as he looked back at his garden. “Another good question, so go study it and see if you can come up with an equally good answer.”
Monday, October 10, 2005
Leaping Forward
The astute reader will of course figure out that I could not possibly remain chained to a rock in a distant dimension and still continue to make entries into this blog. As I am well aware just how astute many of my readers are, I will not belabor certain points any further. But I guess I should provide a little insight as to what happened and how I came to be free again, so here we go....
In the beginning, my time with Zulu, Merlin, and most importantly myself, was spent with a heart that was filled with fear, hate, and anger. Those emotions were of course initially directed to my captors, but were also directed inwards as well.
I was left chained to that rock for what seemed like an eternity. The visits from my captors were few and far between, leaving me with a lot of time to reflect on what, and even more importantly, who, I was now. Every time I did receive a visit from Merlin or Zulu, it seemed as if they came merely to taunt me for not having found the supposed ‘key’ that lay within.
Looking back, of course, I can now see that they were not in fact torturing me (at least not intentionally), but were trying instead to prod my rather reluctant psyche in a direction that would help me to find that key and allow me to free myself from the chains that bound me.
However, at that time, I was so wrapped up in the conflicts between Light and Shadow, Self and Other, Life and Death, and Love and Hate, that I didn’t recognize their attempts to move me towards the Healing that I so desperately needed.
Time in that place flows differently than it does in this world. So, while I spent what must have been many weeks bound to that damnable rock and then several more weeks in study and meditation with Merlin, totalling several months in all in that world, the time that actually elapsed here was a matter of days and comprises one of my prior periods of silence on this blog.
My time with Merlin, and to a much lesser extent with Zulu, is almost beyond my ability to describe in mere words. I have never before been in a situation that was so conducive to learning lessons on Life, Love, the Universe in which we live, and of course, Magick.
I want to share as many of those lessons here as is practical, but in order to do so, I must find the right time and the right context to share them in such a way as to maximize their value. Thus, in the near future, you will see periodic flashbacks from those lessons posted. Sometimes these will come as separate blog entries, but other times they will be incorporated into other posts that address whatever events I am writing about. In that way, I continue to keep you apprised of events that are occuring (or have recently occured) in my (Un)Life, but I still get to share the incredible lessons I learned without boring the snot out of too many of you.
That being said, let me bring you up to speed with where I am right now.
After returning from that rather long and unplanned (by me, anyway) journey, I found myself at the familiar FBI headquarters that I first awoke to see Drake’s smiling face. Of course Drake was nowhere to be found, but rather a new crew of folks working on the Omega Project (that’s me, BTW) who were rather surprised to see me step out of a dark utility closet and into their (allegedly) secure facility.
You see, I was actually able to make the journey back from Merlin’s abode to this world by Shadowwalking, a form of travel that I had previously seen Papa Locks use. It turns out that my merger with part of Ma Grendel’s spirit gave me access to a world of magickal talent that I never could have possessed before, which is why Merlin and Zulu had been so desperate to make sure that it was my Spirit, not hers, that emerged in charge of the new Rusty Bones.
Once everyone recovered from shock and verified that I was indeed their beloved (and still very much feared) Omega Project returned, we set about setting me up for the next phase of operations.
I had to arrange for a new laptop computer, a new residence, and new transportation, since I had pretty much destroyed the Bonesmobile and my previous computer equipment with my experimental solution to being inhabited by Ma Grendel.
Once all of that mundane stuff was settled (and the piles of memos and forms were completed in triplicate--it is the Federal Government after all), it was time to sit down with upper management at the Bureau and hash out what exactly my role would be.
Let me just say that I now have significantly more say when I will or will not be deployed to address certain ‘issues’ and that my role as an investigator and as an agent has been clarified.
All of that took another several weeks to accomplish--you wouldn’t believe how picky those damn bureacrats can be on the spelling and punctuation of memos detailing my otherworldly travels, you would think they could give a guy a break after all of the shit I had been through...
That brings us up to the end of August, and the gathering storm called Katrina that was being predicted to hit New Orleans...I had been planning to take a break and go visit my kids and to spend some time with Ravyn and the Frau, but instead I ended up taking a call for help from a very unexpected source...but more on that later...
It is time to wrap up this entry, but I am sure there is a question gnawing at some of you...
What was the Key that I had to find within myself in order to be freed from those chains?
Love-- not that yucky, fake romantic stuff that is the source of so many sappy Hollywood movies, but the kind of Love for others that filled the hearts of such people as Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, and countless others who have throughout history sacrificed of themselves for the Greater Good. That is not an easy thing to find within yourself when you are an (Un)Dead FBI agent chained to a rock while literally battling an inner demon in another dimension...but by finding that wellspring of strength, I came to an acceptance of my being trapped there so that others would be protected from the Darkness within me. It was only then that the chains that held me melted away and I was free to go or to stay and learn from the man who designed my prison.
Luckily, I stayed and learned.
In the beginning, my time with Zulu, Merlin, and most importantly myself, was spent with a heart that was filled with fear, hate, and anger. Those emotions were of course initially directed to my captors, but were also directed inwards as well.
I was left chained to that rock for what seemed like an eternity. The visits from my captors were few and far between, leaving me with a lot of time to reflect on what, and even more importantly, who, I was now. Every time I did receive a visit from Merlin or Zulu, it seemed as if they came merely to taunt me for not having found the supposed ‘key’ that lay within.
Looking back, of course, I can now see that they were not in fact torturing me (at least not intentionally), but were trying instead to prod my rather reluctant psyche in a direction that would help me to find that key and allow me to free myself from the chains that bound me.
However, at that time, I was so wrapped up in the conflicts between Light and Shadow, Self and Other, Life and Death, and Love and Hate, that I didn’t recognize their attempts to move me towards the Healing that I so desperately needed.
Time in that place flows differently than it does in this world. So, while I spent what must have been many weeks bound to that damnable rock and then several more weeks in study and meditation with Merlin, totalling several months in all in that world, the time that actually elapsed here was a matter of days and comprises one of my prior periods of silence on this blog.
My time with Merlin, and to a much lesser extent with Zulu, is almost beyond my ability to describe in mere words. I have never before been in a situation that was so conducive to learning lessons on Life, Love, the Universe in which we live, and of course, Magick.
I want to share as many of those lessons here as is practical, but in order to do so, I must find the right time and the right context to share them in such a way as to maximize their value. Thus, in the near future, you will see periodic flashbacks from those lessons posted. Sometimes these will come as separate blog entries, but other times they will be incorporated into other posts that address whatever events I am writing about. In that way, I continue to keep you apprised of events that are occuring (or have recently occured) in my (Un)Life, but I still get to share the incredible lessons I learned without boring the snot out of too many of you.
That being said, let me bring you up to speed with where I am right now.
After returning from that rather long and unplanned (by me, anyway) journey, I found myself at the familiar FBI headquarters that I first awoke to see Drake’s smiling face. Of course Drake was nowhere to be found, but rather a new crew of folks working on the Omega Project (that’s me, BTW) who were rather surprised to see me step out of a dark utility closet and into their (allegedly) secure facility.
You see, I was actually able to make the journey back from Merlin’s abode to this world by Shadowwalking, a form of travel that I had previously seen Papa Locks use. It turns out that my merger with part of Ma Grendel’s spirit gave me access to a world of magickal talent that I never could have possessed before, which is why Merlin and Zulu had been so desperate to make sure that it was my Spirit, not hers, that emerged in charge of the new Rusty Bones.
Once everyone recovered from shock and verified that I was indeed their beloved (and still very much feared) Omega Project returned, we set about setting me up for the next phase of operations.
I had to arrange for a new laptop computer, a new residence, and new transportation, since I had pretty much destroyed the Bonesmobile and my previous computer equipment with my experimental solution to being inhabited by Ma Grendel.
Once all of that mundane stuff was settled (and the piles of memos and forms were completed in triplicate--it is the Federal Government after all), it was time to sit down with upper management at the Bureau and hash out what exactly my role would be.
Let me just say that I now have significantly more say when I will or will not be deployed to address certain ‘issues’ and that my role as an investigator and as an agent has been clarified.
All of that took another several weeks to accomplish--you wouldn’t believe how picky those damn bureacrats can be on the spelling and punctuation of memos detailing my otherworldly travels, you would think they could give a guy a break after all of the shit I had been through...
That brings us up to the end of August, and the gathering storm called Katrina that was being predicted to hit New Orleans...I had been planning to take a break and go visit my kids and to spend some time with Ravyn and the Frau, but instead I ended up taking a call for help from a very unexpected source...but more on that later...
It is time to wrap up this entry, but I am sure there is a question gnawing at some of you...
What was the Key that I had to find within myself in order to be freed from those chains?
Love-- not that yucky, fake romantic stuff that is the source of so many sappy Hollywood movies, but the kind of Love for others that filled the hearts of such people as Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, and countless others who have throughout history sacrificed of themselves for the Greater Good. That is not an easy thing to find within yourself when you are an (Un)Dead FBI agent chained to a rock while literally battling an inner demon in another dimension...but by finding that wellspring of strength, I came to an acceptance of my being trapped there so that others would be protected from the Darkness within me. It was only then that the chains that held me melted away and I was free to go or to stay and learn from the man who designed my prison.
Luckily, I stayed and learned.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Prometheus Bound
Blinding, painful Light. I could see nothing because the Light was so bright, so unrelenting.
Closing my eyes was no longer an option, thanks to the latest change to my damn body, I no longer had eyelids, only sockets filled with mysterious red orbs that allowed me to see in multiple light spectrums. So there was no relief to be found from the simple, human act of closing my eyes. Instead, I had to concentrate on filtering the Light, to limit the brightness somehow.
As I began working on that problem, I heard Zulu speak again, the bastard.
“Master, he is coming back around.”
The other voice, now more discernibly that of a very old man, responded. “Yes, so I see. We shall have to see how he will react to this new situation.”
Zulu asked, “How long do you think it will take for him to be released?”
The old man sighed, replied in low voice. “The only one who can determine that is him.”
I had enough of these two talking about me, so I croaked out, “You better plan on releasing right damn now!”
I heard a shuffling footstep and the rustle of heavy clothing as a dark figure (all I could see at this point) seemed to loom over me. “If you wish to be free, then you must get up.”
I groaned, and tried to lash out with one hand, but found that I couldn’t move it more than a couple of inches before it fell back down over my head...I was bound by chains of some sort. I tried my other arm, then each of my legs in succession but found that I was laid out with my back stretched out over some large rock. My feet were shackled to the floor, my arms elevated up over my arched back, also chained.
Grunting, I put more effort into pulling at least one arm free, but no avail.
“Oh, old man, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you are not going to leave me chained here!”
The shadow retreated just a little bit, but his voice sounded amused as he replied. “Sir, you are free to leave at any moment. The only one holding you here is yourself.”
“What? You chained my ass to this fucking rock, asshole! I can’t get up, or I’d be wiping that smirk I hear in your voice all over the damn floor!”
He sighed. His shadow receded, his reply came in almost a whisper. “I am afraid my son, that you will be here for quite some time. But rest assured, when you are ready, you will discover that you have been the one keeping yourself imprisoned here. You are the only one with the key to these chains. Find the key within yourself, and you shall be free to go.”
I heard his slippered feet shuffle away out of earshot.
I was not in much of a mood to reflect on the old man’s words at that point, I was too busy trying to filter out enough of the damnable light to be able to see clearly and in trying to pry an arm or a leg free from the chains that kept me bound to that rock.
Taking a chance that he was still nearby, I calmed down and tried another tactic with Zulu, “Zulu, why have you done this to me? Why have you led me into this trap?”
Just like I thought, he was still standing nearby, his voice was low, apologetic in its tone, “I’m sorry Rusty, but you left us with no choice.”
“What do you mean? What the Hell did I do?”
He sighed, “You took on too much, too soon. You tried to absorb the remnants of that...creature...before you were ready for that task. I am afraid that you have come terribly close to being consumed by it. We can’t allow that to happen.”
“What damn choice did I have Zulu? I didn’t ask to have the soul of some ancient demoness added to my own!”
“Rusty, no one is saying you did this intentionally, but all actions have consequences. When you used that Witchbane Blade on yourself, you set in motion a series of events that have rocked the foundations of more than one world. No one could have foreseen the consequences of that action. But here we are nonetheless, trying to contain the damage.”
My mind was reeling with what he said, and with the whole situation that I was now finding myself in. I was...tired...for the first time in nearly two years, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep...but of course, that was not to be.
“Zulu, can you tell me something?”
“Yes?”
“Who is that old guy?”
“That was, is, Merlin. I told you I was taking you to see him.”
“Can you tell me something else?”
“Perhaps.”
“How the fuck do I get out of these chains?”
“You have to use the Key.”
“What damn key? And how the Hell can I find it if I am chained up this way?”
“Not all keys are physical, Rusty.” His shadowy form approached, he reached out a blurry hand and tapped my chest. “Some keys can only be found by looking within.”
“Can you tell me what I am looking for then? Is it some sort of magick?”
“You will know it when you find it, Rusty.”
“Somehow, I knew that you would say that.”
He chuckled. His shadow receded. “Rusty, I must leave you now. I hope that you find your key soon. There is much for you to learn here.” I heard his footsteps as he left the area.
“Bastard.” I whispered, but with a lot less force than I had felt before.
I laid my head back against the rock, gave up trying to pry my arms and legs free, and fully concentrated on filtering this damnable Light so that I could try and make sense of my surroundings.
Even as fatigued as I felt though, I could feel a smoldering rage deep inside me. It was beginning to build again, the voices began to whisper again....
Closing my eyes was no longer an option, thanks to the latest change to my damn body, I no longer had eyelids, only sockets filled with mysterious red orbs that allowed me to see in multiple light spectrums. So there was no relief to be found from the simple, human act of closing my eyes. Instead, I had to concentrate on filtering the Light, to limit the brightness somehow.
As I began working on that problem, I heard Zulu speak again, the bastard.
“Master, he is coming back around.”
The other voice, now more discernibly that of a very old man, responded. “Yes, so I see. We shall have to see how he will react to this new situation.”
Zulu asked, “How long do you think it will take for him to be released?”
The old man sighed, replied in low voice. “The only one who can determine that is him.”
I had enough of these two talking about me, so I croaked out, “You better plan on releasing right damn now!”
I heard a shuffling footstep and the rustle of heavy clothing as a dark figure (all I could see at this point) seemed to loom over me. “If you wish to be free, then you must get up.”
I groaned, and tried to lash out with one hand, but found that I couldn’t move it more than a couple of inches before it fell back down over my head...I was bound by chains of some sort. I tried my other arm, then each of my legs in succession but found that I was laid out with my back stretched out over some large rock. My feet were shackled to the floor, my arms elevated up over my arched back, also chained.
Grunting, I put more effort into pulling at least one arm free, but no avail.
“Oh, old man, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you are not going to leave me chained here!”
The shadow retreated just a little bit, but his voice sounded amused as he replied. “Sir, you are free to leave at any moment. The only one holding you here is yourself.”
“What? You chained my ass to this fucking rock, asshole! I can’t get up, or I’d be wiping that smirk I hear in your voice all over the damn floor!”
He sighed. His shadow receded, his reply came in almost a whisper. “I am afraid my son, that you will be here for quite some time. But rest assured, when you are ready, you will discover that you have been the one keeping yourself imprisoned here. You are the only one with the key to these chains. Find the key within yourself, and you shall be free to go.”
I heard his slippered feet shuffle away out of earshot.
I was not in much of a mood to reflect on the old man’s words at that point, I was too busy trying to filter out enough of the damnable light to be able to see clearly and in trying to pry an arm or a leg free from the chains that kept me bound to that rock.
Taking a chance that he was still nearby, I calmed down and tried another tactic with Zulu, “Zulu, why have you done this to me? Why have you led me into this trap?”
Just like I thought, he was still standing nearby, his voice was low, apologetic in its tone, “I’m sorry Rusty, but you left us with no choice.”
“What do you mean? What the Hell did I do?”
He sighed, “You took on too much, too soon. You tried to absorb the remnants of that...creature...before you were ready for that task. I am afraid that you have come terribly close to being consumed by it. We can’t allow that to happen.”
“What damn choice did I have Zulu? I didn’t ask to have the soul of some ancient demoness added to my own!”
“Rusty, no one is saying you did this intentionally, but all actions have consequences. When you used that Witchbane Blade on yourself, you set in motion a series of events that have rocked the foundations of more than one world. No one could have foreseen the consequences of that action. But here we are nonetheless, trying to contain the damage.”
My mind was reeling with what he said, and with the whole situation that I was now finding myself in. I was...tired...for the first time in nearly two years, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep...but of course, that was not to be.
“Zulu, can you tell me something?”
“Yes?”
“Who is that old guy?”
“That was, is, Merlin. I told you I was taking you to see him.”
“Can you tell me something else?”
“Perhaps.”
“How the fuck do I get out of these chains?”
“You have to use the Key.”
“What damn key? And how the Hell can I find it if I am chained up this way?”
“Not all keys are physical, Rusty.” His shadowy form approached, he reached out a blurry hand and tapped my chest. “Some keys can only be found by looking within.”
“Can you tell me what I am looking for then? Is it some sort of magick?”
“You will know it when you find it, Rusty.”
“Somehow, I knew that you would say that.”
He chuckled. His shadow receded. “Rusty, I must leave you now. I hope that you find your key soon. There is much for you to learn here.” I heard his footsteps as he left the area.
“Bastard.” I whispered, but with a lot less force than I had felt before.
I laid my head back against the rock, gave up trying to pry my arms and legs free, and fully concentrated on filtering this damnable Light so that I could try and make sense of my surroundings.
Even as fatigued as I felt though, I could feel a smoldering rage deep inside me. It was beginning to build again, the voices began to whisper again....
Monday, October 03, 2005
Drowning...
I came to slowly, dim shadowy light playing across my face in small fuzzy waves. I was laying on my back, trying to focus my eyes.
Why did everything seem so blurry?
Why did the light shift every couple of seconds?
Why did the dripping of water sound so thunderous?
I brought my hands up to my eyes to try to clear them out, but my arms seemed so heavy, they came slowly, the patterns of the light shifted visibly and the sounds around my ears became steadier, rushing sounds.
As the waves caused by my motions made oh so clear, I was underwater!
A moment of panic rose in my throat, a remembered instinct from my life before perhaps, before I realized that being (un)dead meant I didn’t need to worry about drowning for lack of air. Still, I did start trying to scramble up and see if I could get my head above water.
Standing up, I found myself in a vastly changed chamber from how I found it.
Besides the truly obvious difference of being nearly five feet deep in water, every single formation that I had marvelled at before showed serious damage. All of the hanging stalactite formations had been knocked down or broken up, as if a giant child had come and cleared away the dangling icicles from an eave. The massive stalacmite formations, besides being under water for the most part now, were broken down in nubs, or were massive stumps of cracked stone.
The two mirror smooth walls that may once have served as magickal doorways into this formerly wondrous place were now nothing more than ragged falls over broken and battered stone, any previous likeness to the mirrors they once were now long gone. The rushing water in those two places now formed the fawcetts that were quickly drowning the place, probably because whatever small holes once provided for the water to flow out of here were now blocked up with the debris of my...our?...rampage.
The sole remainder of the wonder of this place was the dimmed and sputtering orb of light that still hung above me, but was clearly damaged in some way by the assault of my alter-ego.
A voice spoke up, one I didn’t recognize. “Well that was quite the demonstration of useless rage.”
The voice surprised me, I turned around looking for anyone else in the chamber. No one else was here with me, that I could see.
A second voice, this one somewhat familiar, if a little distorted, spoke, “That is why I recommended this course, Master. He is unpredictable and quite dangerous. It took all of my skill to keep him Charmed for the trip here.”
“Who’s there!” I shouted, splashing around the chamber to see if I was missing them somehow. “Where the fuck are you, Zulu?”
The First Voice spoke up again, ignoring my cries. “Yes, I can see that you were right in your assessment. I only wish I didn’t have to sacrifice one of my favorite meditation chambers in the process.”
“That is indeed unfortunate, Master,” said Zulu’s distorted voice again, “but I am sure you have other places to visit when you have the need. This chamber was the most secure. I shall mourn the damage to this sanctuary myself.”
“You bastard (Zulu),” I used his real name, at least I thought it was his real name, “You’re gonna have a lot more to mourn when I get my ass out of here than this stupid fucking cave!”
The First Voice replied to Zulu, “Yes. Well we will have much work to do with this one. I don’t know if he is salvageable. He seems quite savage.”
I was feeling the Rage well up inside again. I tried to tamp the urge to explode again back down. I definitely felt the need to keep my wits about me, but the whispers began to surface again...
“Destroy the Light before it consumes us...”
“Hate is strength...”
“Summon the Shadows, they will gladly serve us...”
“Hungry....”
I began to move about, trying to look for a way to escape the voices, both inside my head and out of it, to find a way to return to normal, whatever the Hell that was anymore, to escape this place...
Zulu spoke up again, replying to the First Voice. “Yes, Master, he is savage, but we must try to redeem him, he is far too valuable to destroy just yet.”
The First voice replied, “A dangerous game we play, he could very well destroy us all.”
“A desperate gamble indeed, but a necessary one.”
I was floundering in the water, tripping over broken formations I could no longer see, growing more and more frustrated about being talked about...the whispers inside grew louder, more insistent. Finally, I turned an ankle on some slippery, hidden remnant of a formation, I heard one last sentence before the Rage overcame me yet again...
First Voice again, “Very well. Let him exhaust himself first, then we shall restrain him again....”
I slipped back into dark, watery Rage...drowning in more ways than one in forces I could no longer (if I ever could) control.
Why did everything seem so blurry?
Why did the light shift every couple of seconds?
Why did the dripping of water sound so thunderous?
I brought my hands up to my eyes to try to clear them out, but my arms seemed so heavy, they came slowly, the patterns of the light shifted visibly and the sounds around my ears became steadier, rushing sounds.
As the waves caused by my motions made oh so clear, I was underwater!
A moment of panic rose in my throat, a remembered instinct from my life before perhaps, before I realized that being (un)dead meant I didn’t need to worry about drowning for lack of air. Still, I did start trying to scramble up and see if I could get my head above water.
Standing up, I found myself in a vastly changed chamber from how I found it.
Besides the truly obvious difference of being nearly five feet deep in water, every single formation that I had marvelled at before showed serious damage. All of the hanging stalactite formations had been knocked down or broken up, as if a giant child had come and cleared away the dangling icicles from an eave. The massive stalacmite formations, besides being under water for the most part now, were broken down in nubs, or were massive stumps of cracked stone.
The two mirror smooth walls that may once have served as magickal doorways into this formerly wondrous place were now nothing more than ragged falls over broken and battered stone, any previous likeness to the mirrors they once were now long gone. The rushing water in those two places now formed the fawcetts that were quickly drowning the place, probably because whatever small holes once provided for the water to flow out of here were now blocked up with the debris of my...our?...rampage.
The sole remainder of the wonder of this place was the dimmed and sputtering orb of light that still hung above me, but was clearly damaged in some way by the assault of my alter-ego.
A voice spoke up, one I didn’t recognize. “Well that was quite the demonstration of useless rage.”
The voice surprised me, I turned around looking for anyone else in the chamber. No one else was here with me, that I could see.
A second voice, this one somewhat familiar, if a little distorted, spoke, “That is why I recommended this course, Master. He is unpredictable and quite dangerous. It took all of my skill to keep him Charmed for the trip here.”
“Who’s there!” I shouted, splashing around the chamber to see if I was missing them somehow. “Where the fuck are you, Zulu?”
The First Voice spoke up again, ignoring my cries. “Yes, I can see that you were right in your assessment. I only wish I didn’t have to sacrifice one of my favorite meditation chambers in the process.”
“That is indeed unfortunate, Master,” said Zulu’s distorted voice again, “but I am sure you have other places to visit when you have the need. This chamber was the most secure. I shall mourn the damage to this sanctuary myself.”
“You bastard (Zulu),” I used his real name, at least I thought it was his real name, “You’re gonna have a lot more to mourn when I get my ass out of here than this stupid fucking cave!”
The First Voice replied to Zulu, “Yes. Well we will have much work to do with this one. I don’t know if he is salvageable. He seems quite savage.”
I was feeling the Rage well up inside again. I tried to tamp the urge to explode again back down. I definitely felt the need to keep my wits about me, but the whispers began to surface again...
“Destroy the Light before it consumes us...”
“Hate is strength...”
“Summon the Shadows, they will gladly serve us...”
“Hungry....”
I began to move about, trying to look for a way to escape the voices, both inside my head and out of it, to find a way to return to normal, whatever the Hell that was anymore, to escape this place...
Zulu spoke up again, replying to the First Voice. “Yes, Master, he is savage, but we must try to redeem him, he is far too valuable to destroy just yet.”
The First voice replied, “A dangerous game we play, he could very well destroy us all.”
“A desperate gamble indeed, but a necessary one.”
I was floundering in the water, tripping over broken formations I could no longer see, growing more and more frustrated about being talked about...the whispers inside grew louder, more insistent. Finally, I turned an ankle on some slippery, hidden remnant of a formation, I heard one last sentence before the Rage overcame me yet again...
First Voice again, “Very well. Let him exhaust himself first, then we shall restrain him again....”
I slipped back into dark, watery Rage...drowning in more ways than one in forces I could no longer (if I ever could) control.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Rage
As the full realization of my current plight hit me, I felt an anger arise within me that was completely unexpected and new. It started with a slow, bubbling feeling that rather quickly rose to a furious boil. I couldn’t believe that I had been taken unaware by magick so easily by someone I had no real reason to trust in the first damn place.
Small voices, almost whispers in my mind, spoke to my conscious mind. They whispered in a dozen different languages and in nearly as many different voices, each telling me in their own way how foolish I had been to trust others, or how ‘they’ could help me...I couldn’t tell you what languages they spoke in, but I understood everything each one said...
“Trust is for fools...”
“We must not be weak...”
“Let us help you be stronger...”
“Don’t listen to the meddling humans...”
“We are one now...”
“We must feed...”
“Look to the Shadows, we know how to use them...”
“Destroy the Light...”
“Fear is Strength...”
“Hate is Strength...”
“Anger is Strength...”
The voices grew louder and even more discordant the angrier I got, which of course was making me even madder.
Before long my vision grew blurry as I began lashing out in rage at the beautiful formations in the cavern. Hitting things, breaking them in thousands of shards, gave me a sense of growing strength, but it fed the rage. It couldn’t have been more than a few moments before I blacked out. The last thing I remember from that moment is feeling a surge of Darkness well up from within and blast out from my fingers towards that damnable Light....
Small voices, almost whispers in my mind, spoke to my conscious mind. They whispered in a dozen different languages and in nearly as many different voices, each telling me in their own way how foolish I had been to trust others, or how ‘they’ could help me...I couldn’t tell you what languages they spoke in, but I understood everything each one said...
“Trust is for fools...”
“We must not be weak...”
“Let us help you be stronger...”
“Don’t listen to the meddling humans...”
“We are one now...”
“We must feed...”
“Look to the Shadows, we know how to use them...”
“Destroy the Light...”
“Fear is Strength...”
“Hate is Strength...”
“Anger is Strength...”
The voices grew louder and even more discordant the angrier I got, which of course was making me even madder.
Before long my vision grew blurry as I began lashing out in rage at the beautiful formations in the cavern. Hitting things, breaking them in thousands of shards, gave me a sense of growing strength, but it fed the rage. It couldn’t have been more than a few moments before I blacked out. The last thing I remember from that moment is feeling a surge of Darkness well up from within and blast out from my fingers towards that damnable Light....
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